Mirror, Mirror {Weekly Summary}

Weight: 222
Weekly Change: +2
Overall Change: +2 over "starting weight" of 220
Next goal weight: 214 (pre-pregnancy weight)
BMI: 32.3 (obese) (using this calculator)
Waist Circumference: 40 inches, I think
Disease Risk: Very High (according to this chart)
Jeans Size: 20
Total Workouts: 1
Total Walks: 0
Total Other Workouts: 1
Progress on Training Plan(s): Easing back into walking now that toe is healing less, but still not on any specific plan
Injury Report: The broken toe is mostly healed now. It really is taking 6 weeks, so if you ever break a toe and wonder if it will take as long to heal as "they" say it will, the answer is YES. I'm just excited that I finally don't need to keep it taped all the time, and I managed to wear shoes with heels this weekend without too much pain. Meanwhile, I'm having more issues with the big toe on the same foot -- you know, the toe that I mysteriously busted a year and a half ago. At some point I may need to see a doctor about it because something just isn't right. I hope it won't cause too many problems when I eventually start running again.
Last Week's Goal(s): I think I finally accomplished #2, which was to do some exercise that doesn't involve the toe. I did some exercises in our little swimming pool one day last week. It was a short, simple workout, but it was something.
Next Event Goal: Still planning on the Arlington 9/11 Memorial 5K, though it's looking more and more likely that I'll be walking most of it.
This Week's Goals: (1) Work on a nutrition plan. (2) Walk at least 2x. (3) Do some non-walking exercise.

Analysis: The only thing that has changed really since my last post is my outlook. I think I'm finally starting to get my motivation back, especially now that my toe is doing a lot better. It has happened in a sort of roundabout way though, starting with a moment a couple of weeks ago where I looked at myself in the mirror and decided truly to embrace my curves and see beauty in my body even when it is so far from physically fit. Even though I haven't been driven by a desire to be thin, per se, I also haven't been comfortable in my own skin for a long time. I felt like being obese automatically made me unattractive, even though I didn't see other big women the same way. I just felt like fat didn't look good on me. And now suddenly I'm done seeing myself that way. I don't know what made the difference.

Maybe I tried seeing myself the way my husband sees me -- all through my pregnancies and weight fluctuations over the years, he has never stopped finding me beautiful and telling me so. It just seems silly to waste energy looking for every flaw when I look in the mirror and feeling self-conscious in all of my clothes. I also read an article about how damaging it can be for a daughter to hear a mother call herself fat -- it can end up creating a warped idea of beauty in the daughter's mind. I don't want to do that to my daughter, so I want to start NOW to develop a better body image in my own mind. That way I can pass positive ideas on to my little girl as soon as she's old enough to start picking up on them.

Now that I'm even less motivated by my appearance than ever, it seems like it should be harder to find the drive to lose weight and get in shape, but I think instead I'm just getting even more focused on health. I truly do yearn to be healthy. I want to be able to run and swim and bike (of course), and also hike and roller skate and play around with my kids. I don't want to be at increased risk of various diseases. I want to sleep better, and feel less stressed, and have strong bones that won't start deteriorating in about 10 years. So for all of those reasons, I am ready to really TRY again, to start eating better and getting regular exercise. I started off this new week pretty well, so I'm optimistic!