Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Say It Ain't Toe {Weekly Summary}

Weight: 224 (I think...I keep forgetting to weigh myself, and then end up doing it at different times of day so it's not a consistent comparison)
Weekly Change: +2
Overall Change: +4 over "starting weight" of 220
Next goal weight: 214 (pre-pregnancy weight)
BMI: 32.6 (obese) (using this calculator)
Waist Circumference: 40 inches, I think...haven't measured in a while
Disease Risk: Very High (according to this chart)
Jeans Size: 20
Total Workouts: 2
Total Walks: 2
Total Other Workouts: 0
Progress on Training Plan(s): In limbo right now until I see the podiatrist
Injury Report: The broken toe is basically healed now, but as predicted, my big toe has now become the problem. I made a strategic error in trying to deal with the occasional pain under the nail -- I trimmed the nail down too far, and as it started to grow out again it became ingrown. The right side of the nail is basically growing straight down into the toe. It's been getting increasingly painful, and as of yesterday it appeared to be infected. I made an appointment to see a podiatrist tomorrow and I think there's a pretty good chance part of the nail will have to be cut off/out of my toe. From what I've read online, the healing time from this sort of procedure can be anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months. Obviously, I'm hoping for the shorter time, but I'll know more tomorrow what the doctor thinks I can expect.
Last Week's Goal(s): Failed at two: did not work on a nutrition plan, and did no non-walking exercise. But I did succeed at one though, by going walking twice! Yay!
Next Event Goal: Still planning, very tentatively, on the Arlington 9/11 Memorial 5K, but it depends on what happens with my toe. I wouldn't mind walking most of it, but I don't really have any desire to limp through the whole thing.
This Week's Goals: (1) See the podiatrist. (2) Work on a nutrition plan. (3) Figure out an exercise plan based on doctor's recommendations.

Analysis: I don't have too much to say right now. I'm angry at myself for making my toe situation so much worse. Last week I was enjoying going for walks again, and now here I am back in injury recovery mode once more. I don't really know the severity of the problem or how long I can expect it to interfere with my fitness plans, so I'll save that speculation for after my doctor appointment tomorrow. For now, I really need to focus on nutrition and start thinking hard about how I'm going to approach food. I know some of the changes I need to make, but haven't managed to make myself take any action so far. It might help to write out some specific plans, so I really hope to accomplish that one of my goals this week. Expect another post soon!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Mirror, Mirror {Weekly Summary}

Weight: 222
Weekly Change: +2
Overall Change: +2 over "starting weight" of 220
Next goal weight: 214 (pre-pregnancy weight)
BMI: 32.3 (obese) (using this calculator)
Waist Circumference: 40 inches, I think
Disease Risk: Very High (according to this chart)
Jeans Size: 20
Total Workouts: 1
Total Walks: 0
Total Other Workouts: 1
Progress on Training Plan(s): Easing back into walking now that toe is healing less, but still not on any specific plan
Injury Report: The broken toe is mostly healed now. It really is taking 6 weeks, so if you ever break a toe and wonder if it will take as long to heal as "they" say it will, the answer is YES. I'm just excited that I finally don't need to keep it taped all the time, and I managed to wear shoes with heels this weekend without too much pain. Meanwhile, I'm having more issues with the big toe on the same foot -- you know, the toe that I mysteriously busted a year and a half ago. At some point I may need to see a doctor about it because something just isn't right. I hope it won't cause too many problems when I eventually start running again.
Last Week's Goal(s): I think I finally accomplished #2, which was to do some exercise that doesn't involve the toe. I did some exercises in our little swimming pool one day last week. It was a short, simple workout, but it was something.
Next Event Goal: Still planning on the Arlington 9/11 Memorial 5K, though it's looking more and more likely that I'll be walking most of it.
This Week's Goals: (1) Work on a nutrition plan. (2) Walk at least 2x. (3) Do some non-walking exercise.

Analysis: The only thing that has changed really since my last post is my outlook. I think I'm finally starting to get my motivation back, especially now that my toe is doing a lot better. It has happened in a sort of roundabout way though, starting with a moment a couple of weeks ago where I looked at myself in the mirror and decided truly to embrace my curves and see beauty in my body even when it is so far from physically fit. Even though I haven't been driven by a desire to be thin, per se, I also haven't been comfortable in my own skin for a long time. I felt like being obese automatically made me unattractive, even though I didn't see other big women the same way. I just felt like fat didn't look good on me. And now suddenly I'm done seeing myself that way. I don't know what made the difference.

Maybe I tried seeing myself the way my husband sees me -- all through my pregnancies and weight fluctuations over the years, he has never stopped finding me beautiful and telling me so. It just seems silly to waste energy looking for every flaw when I look in the mirror and feeling self-conscious in all of my clothes. I also read an article about how damaging it can be for a daughter to hear a mother call herself fat -- it can end up creating a warped idea of beauty in the daughter's mind. I don't want to do that to my daughter, so I want to start NOW to develop a better body image in my own mind. That way I can pass positive ideas on to my little girl as soon as she's old enough to start picking up on them.

Now that I'm even less motivated by my appearance than ever, it seems like it should be harder to find the drive to lose weight and get in shape, but I think instead I'm just getting even more focused on health. I truly do yearn to be healthy. I want to be able to run and swim and bike (of course), and also hike and roller skate and play around with my kids. I don't want to be at increased risk of various diseases. I want to sleep better, and feel less stressed, and have strong bones that won't start deteriorating in about 10 years. So for all of those reasons, I am ready to really TRY again, to start eating better and getting regular exercise. I started off this new week pretty well, so I'm optimistic!