I think I have to call this one a draw.
Initially, it was definitely a victory! Yesterday morning, my alarm went off, and as usual I was tempted to ignore it. I thought of the stress in my life, and felt how comfortable my bed was. Then I remembered all the soul-searching I'd done the night before about my past habits and patterns, and how badly I wanted to make a real change.
And I got up. And I ran.
It was a very slow run but I finished a mile (in quarter-mile increments, as usual). I felt proud of myself for fighting my inner demons and winning!!! But the victory was short-lived.
What unfolded the rest of the day was unexpected and amazing. The two biggest sources of stress in my life were resolved!! I am insanely grateful for the way things played out, and for the relief I now feel. My life isn't suddenly all roses, but the two things giving me the most grief are no longer doing so, and therefore I no longer have to choose between "fight" and "flight."
The reason I'm calling this a draw is that I don't know how long I'd have been able to keep up the fight if times had remained tough. Yesterday's run could have been an isolated incident, and I still could have reverted back to my old ways as stress continued. I am more optimistic about the possibilities for the future, though. Something stirred in me yesterday...an immense satisfaction from recognizing a problem and overcoming it, even if I only had a brief opportunity to do so. I definitely WANT to be able to do that again in the future...and right now I believe I can.
Life can throw whatever it wants at me now. I'm ready -- ready to FIGHT!!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Fight or Flight?
This is the true test. None of the progress I've made over the past year will matter unless I can pass this test.
When my alarm went off this morning was when I realized exactly what was going on. I'd planned on going to the pool. My bag was packed and ready, and I woke up rather easily. But I didn't go anywhere.
For once, this isn't about the aches, pains, or fatigue of pregnancy. It's about my old habits...unfortunate instincts that I can't seem to shake. I'm dealing with a couple of really stressful situations in my life right now. Everything has sort of been piling up on top of me, and this last source of stress has pushed me to the brink.
When it comes to the age-old "fight or flight" instincts, for years now I've been falling solidly on the side of "flight." I have no skills for coping with stress (especially when I'm pregnant, but not only then), and so I run away. I run away from conflict, from people who upset me, from situations I can't control. When the going gets tough, I shut down, and check out, and give up on myself.
Some people have wondered why I take my fitness ups and downs so seriously -- it's because for me they have been intertwined with successes and failures in the rest of my life for a long time now. In the past 10 years, every time I've faced a difficult time in my life, I've resorted to poor health habits as my pitiful coping mechanism. In contrast, the times when I have been able to improve my health habits, even if only temporarily, I have likewise been better able to deal with the rest of my life! Well, that was true at least until I faced another major challenge, and then I'd flee from it all again.
So here I am, dealing with pregnancy hormones that make me insane and as poorly equipped to handle stress as I ever am. I have to make some tough decisions and I don't want to run away. I want to dig my heels in and fight. I want to face the things that upset me, or scare me, and actually DEAL with them for once! I don't want to be called out on strikes this time...I want to go down swinging!!!!! And being the extreme personality that I've already admitted to you I am, I know it's going to be an all or nothing sort of thing.
This morning I chose flight. What will I choose when the alarm goes off tomorrow?
When my alarm went off this morning was when I realized exactly what was going on. I'd planned on going to the pool. My bag was packed and ready, and I woke up rather easily. But I didn't go anywhere.
For once, this isn't about the aches, pains, or fatigue of pregnancy. It's about my old habits...unfortunate instincts that I can't seem to shake. I'm dealing with a couple of really stressful situations in my life right now. Everything has sort of been piling up on top of me, and this last source of stress has pushed me to the brink.
When it comes to the age-old "fight or flight" instincts, for years now I've been falling solidly on the side of "flight." I have no skills for coping with stress (especially when I'm pregnant, but not only then), and so I run away. I run away from conflict, from people who upset me, from situations I can't control. When the going gets tough, I shut down, and check out, and give up on myself.
Some people have wondered why I take my fitness ups and downs so seriously -- it's because for me they have been intertwined with successes and failures in the rest of my life for a long time now. In the past 10 years, every time I've faced a difficult time in my life, I've resorted to poor health habits as my pitiful coping mechanism. In contrast, the times when I have been able to improve my health habits, even if only temporarily, I have likewise been better able to deal with the rest of my life! Well, that was true at least until I faced another major challenge, and then I'd flee from it all again.
So here I am, dealing with pregnancy hormones that make me insane and as poorly equipped to handle stress as I ever am. I have to make some tough decisions and I don't want to run away. I want to dig my heels in and fight. I want to face the things that upset me, or scare me, and actually DEAL with them for once! I don't want to be called out on strikes this time...I want to go down swinging!!!!! And being the extreme personality that I've already admitted to you I am, I know it's going to be an all or nothing sort of thing.
This morning I chose flight. What will I choose when the alarm goes off tomorrow?
26 Weeks - Back to Running
Workouts this week: 1
Total swim time: None
Total run/walk time: about 35 min. (12 min., roughly 1 mile, was running)
Other workouts: None
Weight: 207 lbs
Total weight gained: 23 lbs
I totally forgot to write this update over the weekend! Oops! I'll keep it short because there are some other ideas I want to explore today, and they're major enough to deserve their own entry!
So I had another mostly lazy week, and it would appear that I gained 4 lbs in one week!! I think that is mostly bloating though....ahh, the joys of pregnancy! But I did manage to go for a run on Saturday, and I went outside and took my 5 year-old with me on his bike. It was actually a lot of fun, and not as painful as I expected! I think I keep avoiding or postponing my next run because I'm always afraid it's going to hurt. It was nice to see that this run definitely didn't hurt much at all. I do think I was running a little slower outside, so it might be time to drop my speed on the treadmill as well.
I'm definitely disappointed in my overall performance lately. I had those great dreams of making the most of my last month of the second trimester, but ended up wasting most of it instead. I'll be entering my third tri by the end of this week, and the discomforts are just going to keep increasing more rapidly from now on! I won't speculate any further on how I'm going to proceed from here, because that will be part of my other reflections, later today.
Total swim time: None
Total run/walk time: about 35 min. (12 min., roughly 1 mile, was running)
Other workouts: None
Weight: 207 lbs
Total weight gained: 23 lbs
I totally forgot to write this update over the weekend! Oops! I'll keep it short because there are some other ideas I want to explore today, and they're major enough to deserve their own entry!
So I had another mostly lazy week, and it would appear that I gained 4 lbs in one week!! I think that is mostly bloating though....ahh, the joys of pregnancy! But I did manage to go for a run on Saturday, and I went outside and took my 5 year-old with me on his bike. It was actually a lot of fun, and not as painful as I expected! I think I keep avoiding or postponing my next run because I'm always afraid it's going to hurt. It was nice to see that this run definitely didn't hurt much at all. I do think I was running a little slower outside, so it might be time to drop my speed on the treadmill as well.
I'm definitely disappointed in my overall performance lately. I had those great dreams of making the most of my last month of the second trimester, but ended up wasting most of it instead. I'll be entering my third tri by the end of this week, and the discomforts are just going to keep increasing more rapidly from now on! I won't speculate any further on how I'm going to proceed from here, because that will be part of my other reflections, later today.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
25 Weeks - Short Break from Running?
Workouts this week: None
Total swim time: Zip
Total run/walk mileage: Zilch
Other workouts: Nada
Weight: 203 lbs
Total weight gained: 19 lbs
Despite setting no goals for the week and having really low expectations, I still managed to disappoint myself. I didn't even attempt to do any sort of exercise at all. What's worse, I entertained a lot of thoughts of just giving up on it completely.
I've been having a really rough time mentally and emotionally. The pregnancy hormones are wrecking havoc on me this time around. I get in these terrible moods for no good reason and none of my usual tricks can successfully lift my spirits. I'm equal parts irritable and weepy, and spend a lot of time hating the world just because.
The irony is that exercise is one thing that usually does work to improve my mood, but when my mood is at its worst, the last thing I want to do is exercise. If I could overcome the mood long enough to get a workout in, then the lasting effects could have me feeling better for a while. But I don't know a way to overcome the mood in the first place, to get to where I can make myself work out.
All week long I've thought about giving up on exercise for the remainder of my pregnancy. I don't really want to do that, but if I can't get a handle on my moods, that might just be what happens. I really wish I were better at all this pregnancy stuff (and with 3 kids already, you'd think I'd be a pro by now!), but the truth is I just suck at it. Some women ROCK at being pregnant. It suits them, physically, emotionally, etc. It does not suit me. Never has, and clearly never will.
Most days I just think about the future and hope that everything I learned last year will help me get in shape again when I have to start all over from scratch. The way things are going now, that's about the best for which I can hope. Sorry for all the negativity. That's just where I am right now.
I do still hope to try to exercise this week, but I honestly don't know what I'll be able to force myself to do. Next week's update might be as surprising to me as it is to you!
Total swim time: Zip
Total run/walk mileage: Zilch
Other workouts: Nada
Weight: 203 lbs
Total weight gained: 19 lbs
Despite setting no goals for the week and having really low expectations, I still managed to disappoint myself. I didn't even attempt to do any sort of exercise at all. What's worse, I entertained a lot of thoughts of just giving up on it completely.
I've been having a really rough time mentally and emotionally. The pregnancy hormones are wrecking havoc on me this time around. I get in these terrible moods for no good reason and none of my usual tricks can successfully lift my spirits. I'm equal parts irritable and weepy, and spend a lot of time hating the world just because.
The irony is that exercise is one thing that usually does work to improve my mood, but when my mood is at its worst, the last thing I want to do is exercise. If I could overcome the mood long enough to get a workout in, then the lasting effects could have me feeling better for a while. But I don't know a way to overcome the mood in the first place, to get to where I can make myself work out.
All week long I've thought about giving up on exercise for the remainder of my pregnancy. I don't really want to do that, but if I can't get a handle on my moods, that might just be what happens. I really wish I were better at all this pregnancy stuff (and with 3 kids already, you'd think I'd be a pro by now!), but the truth is I just suck at it. Some women ROCK at being pregnant. It suits them, physically, emotionally, etc. It does not suit me. Never has, and clearly never will.
Most days I just think about the future and hope that everything I learned last year will help me get in shape again when I have to start all over from scratch. The way things are going now, that's about the best for which I can hope. Sorry for all the negativity. That's just where I am right now.
I do still hope to try to exercise this week, but I honestly don't know what I'll be able to force myself to do. Next week's update might be as surprising to me as it is to you!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
24 Weeks - Still Running
Workouts this week: 1
Total swim time: None
Total run/walk mileage: 2.75 (1 mile of that was running)
Other workouts: None
Weight: 202 lbs
Total weight gained: 18 lbs
Um. Oops?
Okay, let's focus on the positive things here, few though they may be. First, I recognized that I was having a crappy week, and managed to finish relatively strong with a good run yesterday. I easily could have thrown in the towel for the whole week and gotten one more lazy morning in there, but I didn't. So the week was not a complete fail!!
Second, I did achieve my stated goal of writing more blog posts! They must not have been very interesting, because they sparked few responses, but writing can be therapeutic for me whether anyone reads it or not. I have a short list of topics I want to cover soon, so expect the increased posts to continue, and feel free to suggest topics or ask questions if there is anything you'd like me to address!
I do have some concerns after yesterday's run. With each pregnancy, I get a whole host of aches and pains (lower back, hips, groin, sciatic nerve, etc.) that are all considered normal. Some women get none of them, and some get a few mild ones. I win the aches and pains jackpot and get a whole bunch, and they can be severe at times! Lucky me! So far I have not experienced the pains while running, but they're definitely worse after a run. Yesterday, I was in quite a bit of pain and had trouble walking for the rest of the day. I know I'm going to get these pains whether I run or not, but I certainly don't want to keep making them worse. Yesterday was NOT my last run, but it did make me wonder how much longer I'll be able to keep it up. No matter how good it feels to run, at some point it will no longer be worth it if I'm miserable with pain for an entire day afterwards. I'll see how things go with my next couple of runs, and then I'll experiment with cutting back on speed or distance to see if that helps. All I can do is hope for the best!
Part of me wants to come out fighting after such a disappointing week, but I have to be honest -- I am not setting any goals this week at all. Ideally I'd like to do yoga tomorrow, run Monday, and swim Tuesday, but after that all bets are off. This week I will be entertaining house guests, running a March Madness pool, celebrating St. Patrick's Day, and possibly buying a car. If I don't have the time or energy to keep up with my workouts, so be it. I'll be right back at it the week after that. :)
Total swim time: None
Total run/walk mileage: 2.75 (1 mile of that was running)
Other workouts: None
Weight: 202 lbs
Total weight gained: 18 lbs
Um. Oops?
Okay, let's focus on the positive things here, few though they may be. First, I recognized that I was having a crappy week, and managed to finish relatively strong with a good run yesterday. I easily could have thrown in the towel for the whole week and gotten one more lazy morning in there, but I didn't. So the week was not a complete fail!!
Second, I did achieve my stated goal of writing more blog posts! They must not have been very interesting, because they sparked few responses, but writing can be therapeutic for me whether anyone reads it or not. I have a short list of topics I want to cover soon, so expect the increased posts to continue, and feel free to suggest topics or ask questions if there is anything you'd like me to address!
I do have some concerns after yesterday's run. With each pregnancy, I get a whole host of aches and pains (lower back, hips, groin, sciatic nerve, etc.) that are all considered normal. Some women get none of them, and some get a few mild ones. I win the aches and pains jackpot and get a whole bunch, and they can be severe at times! Lucky me! So far I have not experienced the pains while running, but they're definitely worse after a run. Yesterday, I was in quite a bit of pain and had trouble walking for the rest of the day. I know I'm going to get these pains whether I run or not, but I certainly don't want to keep making them worse. Yesterday was NOT my last run, but it did make me wonder how much longer I'll be able to keep it up. No matter how good it feels to run, at some point it will no longer be worth it if I'm miserable with pain for an entire day afterwards. I'll see how things go with my next couple of runs, and then I'll experiment with cutting back on speed or distance to see if that helps. All I can do is hope for the best!
Part of me wants to come out fighting after such a disappointing week, but I have to be honest -- I am not setting any goals this week at all. Ideally I'd like to do yoga tomorrow, run Monday, and swim Tuesday, but after that all bets are off. This week I will be entertaining house guests, running a March Madness pool, celebrating St. Patrick's Day, and possibly buying a car. If I don't have the time or energy to keep up with my workouts, so be it. I'll be right back at it the week after that. :)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I Go to Extremes
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darlin' I don't know why I go to extremes
--Billy Joel
This song came out when I was in middle school, and I felt like the lyrics really spoke to me and my adolescent mood swings. As it turns out, though, I don't think I ever really outgrew the "extremes" sort of personality. And my pregnant mood swings make my adolescent ones look like, well, child's play.
Since I identify so strongly with this song, naturally the lyrics popped into my head this morning as I was contemplating my week in contrast with the last one. Perhaps my cockiness got the best of me and ultimately I jinxed myself with over-confidence! All I know is not only have I not managed to pull off another 5-workout week, but I have not even exercised ONE time so far. Not once.
I wish I had a good excuse, but truly it has just been pure laziness. My bed is really comfy, and in the morning I just don't want to get out. It's as simple as that. Once upon a time, I'd made a lot of progress in overcoming that laziness, but lately the hormones have been helping it sneak back in and take over. I tend to let myself get away with murder when I'm pregnant, all in the name of trying to keep myself happy.
In the past, sitting on my butt until the baby was born has made me happy, but this time it's not having the same effect. I enjoyed all my workouts last week and I wish I'd had similar pleasant experiences this week!!!! So I'm not giving up just yet...tomorrow morning I WILL get up and run!! And Saturday I will do yoga! I hope you will harass the hell out of me if I don't!!!!
It's all or nothing at all
Darlin' I don't know why I go to extremes
--Billy Joel
This song came out when I was in middle school, and I felt like the lyrics really spoke to me and my adolescent mood swings. As it turns out, though, I don't think I ever really outgrew the "extremes" sort of personality. And my pregnant mood swings make my adolescent ones look like, well, child's play.
Since I identify so strongly with this song, naturally the lyrics popped into my head this morning as I was contemplating my week in contrast with the last one. Perhaps my cockiness got the best of me and ultimately I jinxed myself with over-confidence! All I know is not only have I not managed to pull off another 5-workout week, but I have not even exercised ONE time so far. Not once.
I wish I had a good excuse, but truly it has just been pure laziness. My bed is really comfy, and in the morning I just don't want to get out. It's as simple as that. Once upon a time, I'd made a lot of progress in overcoming that laziness, but lately the hormones have been helping it sneak back in and take over. I tend to let myself get away with murder when I'm pregnant, all in the name of trying to keep myself happy.
In the past, sitting on my butt until the baby was born has made me happy, but this time it's not having the same effect. I enjoyed all my workouts last week and I wish I'd had similar pleasant experiences this week!!!! So I'm not giving up just yet...tomorrow morning I WILL get up and run!! And Saturday I will do yoga! I hope you will harass the hell out of me if I don't!!!!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tuesday Tips: Good Fitness TV?
For the second time in a row, I'm bailing on The Biggest Loser halfway through the season. I used to find it very inspirational, but the producers just keep pushing the focus more and more onto drama and surprise twists, and away from healthy habits, hard work, and true fitness. It never portrayed ideal or even realistic methods of weight loss, but it used to have some real heart to it, and I feel it has lost that.
So now I am in the market for TV shows that might provide the inspiration that TBL once did. I don't think there is anything else like it on network TV, and I'm not familiar with much cable TV unless it is on ESPN or Disney/Sprout/Nick/Noggin. :)
Are there any good shows about getting/staying in shape? They don't have to be specifically about weight loss, though I do love to see that sort of transformation. I'm interested in anything that follows people's journeys, shows their progress towards their goals, and involves lots of working out and sweating!
Please share your knowledge...which shows to check out, and which to avoid! Thanks!
So now I am in the market for TV shows that might provide the inspiration that TBL once did. I don't think there is anything else like it on network TV, and I'm not familiar with much cable TV unless it is on ESPN or Disney/Sprout/Nick/Noggin. :)
Are there any good shows about getting/staying in shape? They don't have to be specifically about weight loss, though I do love to see that sort of transformation. I'm interested in anything that follows people's journeys, shows their progress towards their goals, and involves lots of working out and sweating!
Please share your knowledge...which shows to check out, and which to avoid! Thanks!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Number for Rent
You may recall how proudly I "owned my number" when my weight finally dropped below 200 lbs last year. Well, as of my most recent weekly weigh-in, I've hit 200 once again.
I know it's not a big deal. I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- I'm not obsessing over exactly how much weight I gain with this pregnancy. My focus is on staying fit and active, with the primary goal being getting back into shape as quickly as possible after the baby is born.
So the number on the scale doesn't really matter much. I've watched it climb slowly and haven't been bothered by it, until now. There is just something difficult to swallow about seeing my weight start with a "2" instead of a "1." After being over 200 for so long, and then working so hard to get under 200, it's not easy to go back over it, even knowing that it's temporary.
Hopefully this state of mind won't last. In a few weeks I should be used to seeing my weight keep climbing into the 200's, and it won't bother me anymore. I know I have a good bit more weight to gain, as the baby starts to grow more rapidly. This is normal, healthy, and GOOD, and I need to keep reminding myself that until it's not an issue messing with my head anymore!
What I want to be more cognizant of this time around is what happens to my weight after the baby arrives. Thanks to eating my way through the grief of losing my Dad, I actually gained weight after my last baby was born. My pre-pregnancy weight was just under 200 lbs, at 196, but when I finally decided to get back in shape, I was up to about 220, give or take. I don't want to go down that road again. Even if I don't start losing weight immediately postpartum, I at least want to keep it stable and not gain anything further at that point. I don't want to keep re-losing the same pounds over and over again!!
I'm committed to getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight at a steady and reasonable pace, but I have to say, it will be much easier if no one I love dies this time around...
I know it's not a big deal. I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- I'm not obsessing over exactly how much weight I gain with this pregnancy. My focus is on staying fit and active, with the primary goal being getting back into shape as quickly as possible after the baby is born.
So the number on the scale doesn't really matter much. I've watched it climb slowly and haven't been bothered by it, until now. There is just something difficult to swallow about seeing my weight start with a "2" instead of a "1." After being over 200 for so long, and then working so hard to get under 200, it's not easy to go back over it, even knowing that it's temporary.
Hopefully this state of mind won't last. In a few weeks I should be used to seeing my weight keep climbing into the 200's, and it won't bother me anymore. I know I have a good bit more weight to gain, as the baby starts to grow more rapidly. This is normal, healthy, and GOOD, and I need to keep reminding myself that until it's not an issue messing with my head anymore!
What I want to be more cognizant of this time around is what happens to my weight after the baby arrives. Thanks to eating my way through the grief of losing my Dad, I actually gained weight after my last baby was born. My pre-pregnancy weight was just under 200 lbs, at 196, but when I finally decided to get back in shape, I was up to about 220, give or take. I don't want to go down that road again. Even if I don't start losing weight immediately postpartum, I at least want to keep it stable and not gain anything further at that point. I don't want to keep re-losing the same pounds over and over again!!
I'm committed to getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight at a steady and reasonable pace, but I have to say, it will be much easier if no one I love dies this time around...
Saturday, March 5, 2011
23 Weeks - Still Running
Workouts this week: 5 (!!!)
Total swim time: 1 hr, 10 min
Total run/walk mileage: 5.50 (2 miles of that was running)
Other workouts: Yoga DVD once
Weight: 200 lbs
Total weight gained: 16 lbs
Here's to meeting goals and having a great week! I must owe my success to the boost of self-confidence that I borrowed from Charlie Sheen! Hahaha
It felt awesome to get in two runs and two swims, and all strong workouts. I'm definitely following through on my plan to make the most of this month in case it's the last one where I feel good for a while. Let's hope I can keep it up a few more weeks!
The irony of my fitness experience is that it's not having the effect I expected. I was under the impression that regular exercise during pregnancy helps prevent a lot of the aches and pains that come about with the changes in the body. Maybe my case is different because I've gone through three pregnancies before and already laid some groundwork, so to speak, for all those aches and pains. I have no idea if that's a possible cause-and-effect scenario, but what I do know is that no matter how good I feel while I'm running or swimming, I'm still gradually developing the usual pains anyway.
Fortunately, the discomfort is all still pretty bearable, and hasn't curtailed my regular activity level. I'm still hoping that in the long term, the yoga at least will help keep the aches and pains from getting as severe as they have been by the end of my previous pregnancies.
Now that's enough about pain! I want to focus on what is going right these days! I'm optimistic that I'll be able to duplicate my efforts this week. A total of five workouts is probably about the best I can do, so I'm not going to try to improve on it. I'm just going to shoot for the same number, and strive to give each workout 100% effort. I gave it my all in my last two runs, but I think I could push myself a little harder in the pool, and focus a little better during yoga.
I'm also setting a separate goal of writing more blog entries this week. I don't just want to give you weekly updates on my progress, especially because there is so little to report. So this week I'm going to try to address other fitness topics that have been on my mind. During the time that I wasn't writing here at all, I was still thinking about fitness and planning for the future and being inspired by others...so I do have things to say. I hope you'll enjoy them!
Total swim time: 1 hr, 10 min
Total run/walk mileage: 5.50 (2 miles of that was running)
Other workouts: Yoga DVD once
Weight: 200 lbs
Total weight gained: 16 lbs
Here's to meeting goals and having a great week! I must owe my success to the boost of self-confidence that I borrowed from Charlie Sheen! Hahaha
It felt awesome to get in two runs and two swims, and all strong workouts. I'm definitely following through on my plan to make the most of this month in case it's the last one where I feel good for a while. Let's hope I can keep it up a few more weeks!
The irony of my fitness experience is that it's not having the effect I expected. I was under the impression that regular exercise during pregnancy helps prevent a lot of the aches and pains that come about with the changes in the body. Maybe my case is different because I've gone through three pregnancies before and already laid some groundwork, so to speak, for all those aches and pains. I have no idea if that's a possible cause-and-effect scenario, but what I do know is that no matter how good I feel while I'm running or swimming, I'm still gradually developing the usual pains anyway.
Fortunately, the discomfort is all still pretty bearable, and hasn't curtailed my regular activity level. I'm still hoping that in the long term, the yoga at least will help keep the aches and pains from getting as severe as they have been by the end of my previous pregnancies.
Now that's enough about pain! I want to focus on what is going right these days! I'm optimistic that I'll be able to duplicate my efforts this week. A total of five workouts is probably about the best I can do, so I'm not going to try to improve on it. I'm just going to shoot for the same number, and strive to give each workout 100% effort. I gave it my all in my last two runs, but I think I could push myself a little harder in the pool, and focus a little better during yoga.
I'm also setting a separate goal of writing more blog entries this week. I don't just want to give you weekly updates on my progress, especially because there is so little to report. So this week I'm going to try to address other fitness topics that have been on my mind. During the time that I wasn't writing here at all, I was still thinking about fitness and planning for the future and being inspired by others...so I do have things to say. I hope you'll enjoy them!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Winning!
No, I don't have tiger blood or Adonis DNA, but I am channeling a bit of Charlie Sheen's self-confidence (misguided though his may be) today! I ran this morning for the second time this week, and it went really well! That put me in a good mood that lasted all day long. :)
My week is going well both physically and mentally. I might actually make it to a total of five workouts this week, but even more importantly, I'm already perfectly content with what I've done so far. A friend gave me a thought to ponder a couple of weeks ago, and I've started to look at things in terms of where I am now, not where I was before the pregnancy or where I hope to be in 6 months or so. Where I am right now cannot compare to those times, and dwelling on the past or the fantasy of the future will only make me feel bad about my current reality.
When I focus on just where I am now, and making the most of how I feel like I said I wanted to do this month, I can see that things are good. My running has become consistent, and now that I'm happy with the amount that I'm doing, it feels like an enormous accomplishment to achieve my goal for each run. For a while, I was not enjoying pregnant running because it was so different from non-pregnant running and I just felt weak and out of shape. Now I'm finally enjoying running again, because I'm surprised and pleased that it still feels as good as it does at this point. After each time I run, I ask myself, "Was that my last run until after the baby is born?" And each time the answer has been a resounding "NO!"
I still don't know how much longer I'll be able to continue, but every time I have a good run, I know I'm at least one more run, and probably more, away from being done. And that makes me feel great...it makes me feel special. To quote my new idol for self-confidence: "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars!" :)
My week is going well both physically and mentally. I might actually make it to a total of five workouts this week, but even more importantly, I'm already perfectly content with what I've done so far. A friend gave me a thought to ponder a couple of weeks ago, and I've started to look at things in terms of where I am now, not where I was before the pregnancy or where I hope to be in 6 months or so. Where I am right now cannot compare to those times, and dwelling on the past or the fantasy of the future will only make me feel bad about my current reality.
When I focus on just where I am now, and making the most of how I feel like I said I wanted to do this month, I can see that things are good. My running has become consistent, and now that I'm happy with the amount that I'm doing, it feels like an enormous accomplishment to achieve my goal for each run. For a while, I was not enjoying pregnant running because it was so different from non-pregnant running and I just felt weak and out of shape. Now I'm finally enjoying running again, because I'm surprised and pleased that it still feels as good as it does at this point. After each time I run, I ask myself, "Was that my last run until after the baby is born?" And each time the answer has been a resounding "NO!"
I still don't know how much longer I'll be able to continue, but every time I have a good run, I know I'm at least one more run, and probably more, away from being done. And that makes me feel great...it makes me feel special. To quote my new idol for self-confidence: "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars!" :)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
22 Weeks - Still Running
Workouts this week: 2
Total swim time: 30 min
Total run/walk mileage: 3.0 (1 mile of that was running)
Other workouts: None
Weight: 198 lbs
Total weight gained: 14 lbs
I set goals for myself to have a better week than the one prior, and I failed to meet those goals. Instead of doubling my runs and swims, they remained the same and I had HALF as many total workouts.
Oddly enough though, I don't really feel as angry at myself as I normally would. My one run was a good one -- this time the quarter-mile-at-a-time method worked and I was able to complete a whole mile. That restored my confidence in my ability to keep running a reasonable amount, for now. I haven't had to slow my speed either. I've slightly slowed my walking speed in between runs because catching my breath is a little more difficult than it used to be, but I'm still running at my previous (already slow) speed. :)
My one swim this week went well also. I'm still feeling strong in the water and breathing well. On a practical level, I can still climb the ladder to get out of the deep end of the pool (I'm anticipating that getting much more difficult when I become extremely front-heavy!). And on a silly, shallow level, I'm still wearing the same swimsuit that I was before I got pregnant. Granted, the only reason it still fits is that the pool chemicals have caused it to wear down and stretch way out, but still, it's one of the only items of pre-pregnancy clothing I can still wear, so I'm celebrating it! :)
I choose to focus on the quality rather than the quantity of this past week's workouts, and therefore I feel good, and I feel thankful for feeling good. I did get in a run today but I will count it in next week's totals. I usually count my weeks from Monday to Sunday, but for purposes of this pregnancy I'm counting them from Sunday to Saturday because my due date is a Saturday. This is a silly detail that doesn't matter at all, but I figured I'd explain it because I wanted to mention that I had another good run today. Starting off this new week strongly is probably part of why I am not letting myself get upset about the small number of workouts last week.
Once again, I am setting a goal to double my runs and swims, and since I failed to do yoga at all last week, my second goal is to do the yoga DVD again at least once. I believe I can do it! And I really NEED to do it, especially doubling the swims, because if I'm not getting my money's worth out of my monthly pool pass, I can't justify the expense of keeping it. So I need to swim 2-3 more times before it's time to renew!! Here's to a great week!
Total swim time: 30 min
Total run/walk mileage: 3.0 (1 mile of that was running)
Other workouts: None
Weight: 198 lbs
Total weight gained: 14 lbs
I set goals for myself to have a better week than the one prior, and I failed to meet those goals. Instead of doubling my runs and swims, they remained the same and I had HALF as many total workouts.
Oddly enough though, I don't really feel as angry at myself as I normally would. My one run was a good one -- this time the quarter-mile-at-a-time method worked and I was able to complete a whole mile. That restored my confidence in my ability to keep running a reasonable amount, for now. I haven't had to slow my speed either. I've slightly slowed my walking speed in between runs because catching my breath is a little more difficult than it used to be, but I'm still running at my previous (already slow) speed. :)
My one swim this week went well also. I'm still feeling strong in the water and breathing well. On a practical level, I can still climb the ladder to get out of the deep end of the pool (I'm anticipating that getting much more difficult when I become extremely front-heavy!). And on a silly, shallow level, I'm still wearing the same swimsuit that I was before I got pregnant. Granted, the only reason it still fits is that the pool chemicals have caused it to wear down and stretch way out, but still, it's one of the only items of pre-pregnancy clothing I can still wear, so I'm celebrating it! :)
I choose to focus on the quality rather than the quantity of this past week's workouts, and therefore I feel good, and I feel thankful for feeling good. I did get in a run today but I will count it in next week's totals. I usually count my weeks from Monday to Sunday, but for purposes of this pregnancy I'm counting them from Sunday to Saturday because my due date is a Saturday. This is a silly detail that doesn't matter at all, but I figured I'd explain it because I wanted to mention that I had another good run today. Starting off this new week strongly is probably part of why I am not letting myself get upset about the small number of workouts last week.
Once again, I am setting a goal to double my runs and swims, and since I failed to do yoga at all last week, my second goal is to do the yoga DVD again at least once. I believe I can do it! And I really NEED to do it, especially doubling the swims, because if I'm not getting my money's worth out of my monthly pool pass, I can't justify the expense of keeping it. So I need to swim 2-3 more times before it's time to renew!! Here's to a great week!
Friday, February 25, 2011
One Last Good Month
I am happy to report that all my appointments went well this week, and both baby and I are looking good and healthy! :)
With my past two babies, I've struggled with pregnancy-induced anemia, which is normal and totally manageable, but just one more factor that caused me extra fatigue. I've expected to develop it again this time, but so far I have been lucky enough to avoid it!
Last time around, at my "big" ultrasound I was diagnosed with partial placenta previa, and placed on "restricted activity" for a month until they could do another ultrasound and see if it had resolved itself (and it had). I'm happy to have avoided that issue this time too! I would have been extraordinarily frustrated if I'd been ordered not to exercise for a month!
So with a clean bill of health and still minimal aches and pains, I'm hoping to make the most of this last month of my second trimester! I want to exercise as much as I possibly can (i.e. as much as is comfortable and I have energy for) over the next four weeks or so, in case my tolerance for activity declines sharply in the third tri.
I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself. I know there are no guarantees that I'll feel good enough to exercise every day for the next month! If pains start cropping up or I'm just too tired, that's fine. My approach to this month is more about fighting a natural inclination of mine, which is procrastination. It's very much like me to put things off, including workouts, with the attitude that they can always be done the next day, or the day after that, etc. That way of thinking is not going to serve me well right now, when I'm facing a very real future where all exercise is going to get more difficult! So I'm just trying to remind myself that conditions are not going to get any better than they are right now, and I should seize this time and get as much out of it as I can!!
Here's to one last good month! (Well, at LEAST one....if this one goes well and I still feel good, I'll certainly shoot for another good month after that!) :)
With my past two babies, I've struggled with pregnancy-induced anemia, which is normal and totally manageable, but just one more factor that caused me extra fatigue. I've expected to develop it again this time, but so far I have been lucky enough to avoid it!
Last time around, at my "big" ultrasound I was diagnosed with partial placenta previa, and placed on "restricted activity" for a month until they could do another ultrasound and see if it had resolved itself (and it had). I'm happy to have avoided that issue this time too! I would have been extraordinarily frustrated if I'd been ordered not to exercise for a month!
So with a clean bill of health and still minimal aches and pains, I'm hoping to make the most of this last month of my second trimester! I want to exercise as much as I possibly can (i.e. as much as is comfortable and I have energy for) over the next four weeks or so, in case my tolerance for activity declines sharply in the third tri.
I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself. I know there are no guarantees that I'll feel good enough to exercise every day for the next month! If pains start cropping up or I'm just too tired, that's fine. My approach to this month is more about fighting a natural inclination of mine, which is procrastination. It's very much like me to put things off, including workouts, with the attitude that they can always be done the next day, or the day after that, etc. That way of thinking is not going to serve me well right now, when I'm facing a very real future where all exercise is going to get more difficult! So I'm just trying to remind myself that conditions are not going to get any better than they are right now, and I should seize this time and get as much out of it as I can!!
Here's to one last good month! (Well, at LEAST one....if this one goes well and I still feel good, I'll certainly shoot for another good month after that!) :)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Reflections
This week is providing me with some natural opportunities for reflection. I've always been the type to recognize anniversaries of different events and ponder how things have changed in my life since they first occurred.
Today marks 6 years since my mother died. During the years prior, as her disease worsened and other stress in my life became overwhelming, I began my descent into frequent emotional eating. At the time of her death, I was pregnant with my first child, and I used the pregnancy as just one more reason to drown all my sorrows in junk food and laziness.
Now here I am, many years and heartaches later, pregnant once again, but living a completely different lifestyle this time around! I'm over halfway through my pregnancy and I'm still running, swimming, and doing yoga. I definitely indulge in junk food more often than I do when I'm not pregnant, but not to the extremes that I have before. Most of the time I believe that if my Mom can see me now, she is probably proud of the changes I've made in my life. I bet she's pleased with my increased strength, both physical and emotional. My Mom was an incredibly strong woman, and I know she respected strength in others as well!
My other reason for reflection this week was my "bootiversary." A year ago yesterday, I was diagnosed with a stress fracture and put in a removable walking cast. A setback in my quest to become a runner, that injury could have been just another excuse to slip back into my old ways. Instead it became a turning point in my life, as I refused to take my injury lying down. I purchased a pool membership, overcame my complete lack of skills in the water, and pressed on with my weight loss and fitness journey. Before long, I fell in love with swimming, set exciting new goals, and began this blog!
In a strange way, I am thankful for my stress fracture. Had I never gotten hurt, I probably never would have discovered the wonderful world of swimming! I might not have learned to appreciate running so much either, if I hadn't had to go a few months without. The injury and subsequent recovery led me to change my whole approach to fitness, and I'm really grateful!!
So this week is bringing me lots of memories and mixed emotions. At the heart of it all is a sense of gratitude for my life, my health, and all the lessons I have learned over the years. I am truly blessed!
As a side note, I have to give a shout-out to my wonderful husband, who turns 33 today! He is my biggest fan and I never could have made so much progress on my journey without his constant support and encouragement! Happy Birthday, Lonnie! I love you!
Today marks 6 years since my mother died. During the years prior, as her disease worsened and other stress in my life became overwhelming, I began my descent into frequent emotional eating. At the time of her death, I was pregnant with my first child, and I used the pregnancy as just one more reason to drown all my sorrows in junk food and laziness.
Now here I am, many years and heartaches later, pregnant once again, but living a completely different lifestyle this time around! I'm over halfway through my pregnancy and I'm still running, swimming, and doing yoga. I definitely indulge in junk food more often than I do when I'm not pregnant, but not to the extremes that I have before. Most of the time I believe that if my Mom can see me now, she is probably proud of the changes I've made in my life. I bet she's pleased with my increased strength, both physical and emotional. My Mom was an incredibly strong woman, and I know she respected strength in others as well!
My other reason for reflection this week was my "bootiversary." A year ago yesterday, I was diagnosed with a stress fracture and put in a removable walking cast. A setback in my quest to become a runner, that injury could have been just another excuse to slip back into my old ways. Instead it became a turning point in my life, as I refused to take my injury lying down. I purchased a pool membership, overcame my complete lack of skills in the water, and pressed on with my weight loss and fitness journey. Before long, I fell in love with swimming, set exciting new goals, and began this blog!
In a strange way, I am thankful for my stress fracture. Had I never gotten hurt, I probably never would have discovered the wonderful world of swimming! I might not have learned to appreciate running so much either, if I hadn't had to go a few months without. The injury and subsequent recovery led me to change my whole approach to fitness, and I'm really grateful!!
So this week is bringing me lots of memories and mixed emotions. At the heart of it all is a sense of gratitude for my life, my health, and all the lessons I have learned over the years. I am truly blessed!
As a side note, I have to give a shout-out to my wonderful husband, who turns 33 today! He is my biggest fan and I never could have made so much progress on my journey without his constant support and encouragement! Happy Birthday, Lonnie! I love you!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
21 Weeks - Still Running
Workouts this week: 4
Total swim time: 30 min
Total run/walk mileage: 2.75 (.75 mile of that was running)
Other workouts: Prenatal Yoga DVD 2x
Weight: 198 lbs
Total weight gained: 14 lbs
Despite my whining the other day, this was actually a better week than the one before. I still only ran and swam once each, but I also did my prenatal yoga DVD twice. I'm hoping that the yoga will help reduce the third trimester aches and pains that loom on the horizon.
I had a great swim yesterday -- it was the strongest one I've had in a long time. My arms didn't tire too quickly, and I felt strong and not too terribly slow. So even though running is a struggle, I guess I haven't lost all my fitness just yet!
At the moment, all of my pregnancy symptoms/side effects are minor, and I'm reasonably comfortable. I get the occasional aches and discomforts, but they are moderate and manageable. This is probably about as good as I will feel throughout the entire nine months, so I ought to make the most of it! In the week to come, I hope to double both my runs and my swims, but I will settle for doubling just one of them. I also have an appointment with my hematologist and one with my OB which will include the "big" ultrasound, so I'll know even more about how the baby and I are doing!
Some friends have given me things to think about regarding my efforts here, and I hope to write an introspective post or two later this week. Here's to a great week for everyone!
Total swim time: 30 min
Total run/walk mileage: 2.75 (.75 mile of that was running)
Other workouts: Prenatal Yoga DVD 2x
Weight: 198 lbs
Total weight gained: 14 lbs
Despite my whining the other day, this was actually a better week than the one before. I still only ran and swam once each, but I also did my prenatal yoga DVD twice. I'm hoping that the yoga will help reduce the third trimester aches and pains that loom on the horizon.
I had a great swim yesterday -- it was the strongest one I've had in a long time. My arms didn't tire too quickly, and I felt strong and not too terribly slow. So even though running is a struggle, I guess I haven't lost all my fitness just yet!
At the moment, all of my pregnancy symptoms/side effects are minor, and I'm reasonably comfortable. I get the occasional aches and discomforts, but they are moderate and manageable. This is probably about as good as I will feel throughout the entire nine months, so I ought to make the most of it! In the week to come, I hope to double both my runs and my swims, but I will settle for doubling just one of them. I also have an appointment with my hematologist and one with my OB which will include the "big" ultrasound, so I'll know even more about how the baby and I are doing!
Some friends have given me things to think about regarding my efforts here, and I hope to write an introspective post or two later this week. Here's to a great week for everyone!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Immunity
If you watch much competitive reality TV, you know that immunity is one of the most coveted rewards for winning some sort of challenge. When you have immunity, you cannot be voted off the island, out of the house, off the ranch, etc. Doesn't that sound nice?
I could use some immunity right now too...immunity from GERMS! Unfortunately the immune system weakens during pregnancy, and I'm experiencing that more this time around than I ever have before. Starting with that bout of bronchitis in November, I feel like I've just been going from germ to germ, rarely feeling well except for a couple days at a time, here and there. Each illness lingers longer than it should too, such that other than the bronchitis and the stomach virus I suffered in January, it feels as though I have just been fighting one long cold that never really goes away.
All of this whining does have a point, I promise. When I wake up in the morning feeling really congested, I'm unlikely to engage in strenuous exercise. Running is no fun when you can't breathe, and leaving a trail of phlegm in the pool is just gross. I'm so frustrated. I feel like I have enough working against me already just trying to exercise through pregnancy for the first time. It doesn't seem fair to have to battle constant illness too!
You may be thinking that an easy solution to my problem would be to exercise in the evening instead, but that's really out of the question these days. By the end of the work day, my whole body is exhausted and all I want to do is sit in a comfy chair with my feet up. Maybe that's mostly laziness, but I feel like some of it is also all the abdominal muscles getting strained and stretched all day to the point where they don't want to have to support any extra weight anymore. Granted, they're not supporting THAT MUCH extra weight just yet, but it's enough to make me tired and achy, and enough to make me give in to the comfy chair.
I'm embarrassed to sound like such a big crybaby today, but I also want to be honest about my feelings. I do want to exercise regularly, but I'm struggling. I ran on Tuesday and it was really rough. I tried my new plan of running a quarter mile at a time, and it didn't help. I only completed the first quarter-mile run, and after that ran in even smaller increments for a total of only 3/4 of a mile. The congestion/cough may have played a part, or I could just be losing more and more fitness. Only time will tell. Meanwhile, I haven't been able to force myself to the pool yet this week. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up feeling well enough to go!
I just wish I could win some sort of immunity prize and stop getting voted off of Healthy Island!!! Maybe Spring will bring a break from the germs...
I could use some immunity right now too...immunity from GERMS! Unfortunately the immune system weakens during pregnancy, and I'm experiencing that more this time around than I ever have before. Starting with that bout of bronchitis in November, I feel like I've just been going from germ to germ, rarely feeling well except for a couple days at a time, here and there. Each illness lingers longer than it should too, such that other than the bronchitis and the stomach virus I suffered in January, it feels as though I have just been fighting one long cold that never really goes away.
All of this whining does have a point, I promise. When I wake up in the morning feeling really congested, I'm unlikely to engage in strenuous exercise. Running is no fun when you can't breathe, and leaving a trail of phlegm in the pool is just gross. I'm so frustrated. I feel like I have enough working against me already just trying to exercise through pregnancy for the first time. It doesn't seem fair to have to battle constant illness too!
You may be thinking that an easy solution to my problem would be to exercise in the evening instead, but that's really out of the question these days. By the end of the work day, my whole body is exhausted and all I want to do is sit in a comfy chair with my feet up. Maybe that's mostly laziness, but I feel like some of it is also all the abdominal muscles getting strained and stretched all day to the point where they don't want to have to support any extra weight anymore. Granted, they're not supporting THAT MUCH extra weight just yet, but it's enough to make me tired and achy, and enough to make me give in to the comfy chair.
I'm embarrassed to sound like such a big crybaby today, but I also want to be honest about my feelings. I do want to exercise regularly, but I'm struggling. I ran on Tuesday and it was really rough. I tried my new plan of running a quarter mile at a time, and it didn't help. I only completed the first quarter-mile run, and after that ran in even smaller increments for a total of only 3/4 of a mile. The congestion/cough may have played a part, or I could just be losing more and more fitness. Only time will tell. Meanwhile, I haven't been able to force myself to the pool yet this week. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up feeling well enough to go!
I just wish I could win some sort of immunity prize and stop getting voted off of Healthy Island!!! Maybe Spring will bring a break from the germs...
Saturday, February 12, 2011
20 Weeks - Still Running
Workouts this week: 2
Total swim time: 30 min
Total run/walk mileage: 2.5 (1 mile of that was running)
Weight: 196 lbs
Total weight gained: 12 lbs
I've decided to do weekly summaries to monitor my progress. Today I'm officially halfway through my pregnancy and I just finished a short run. Lately I've been running one mile, split into two halves with enough walking in between for me to catch my breath. The second half mile has been getting tougher and tougher, so I think it might be time for a change. I'd still like to complete a mile running, but it might help if I break it up into smaller increments with more walking in between. For my next run, I'll try running a quarter mile at a time and see if that is easier.
I'm frustrated with my total number of workouts. Ideally, I'd love to be exercising 3-5 times per week, including working in an occasional session of prenatal yoga. The energy and time continue to elude me though. I know that doing something is better than doing nothing, but I want to be doing MORE now while I still can!! So I will try harder this week to get to the pool and get on the treadmill more than once each.
That's all I have time for today. I'll write again soon, with some thoughts on why pregnant running is such a mental struggle! Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!
Total swim time: 30 min
Total run/walk mileage: 2.5 (1 mile of that was running)
Weight: 196 lbs
Total weight gained: 12 lbs
I've decided to do weekly summaries to monitor my progress. Today I'm officially halfway through my pregnancy and I just finished a short run. Lately I've been running one mile, split into two halves with enough walking in between for me to catch my breath. The second half mile has been getting tougher and tougher, so I think it might be time for a change. I'd still like to complete a mile running, but it might help if I break it up into smaller increments with more walking in between. For my next run, I'll try running a quarter mile at a time and see if that is easier.
I'm frustrated with my total number of workouts. Ideally, I'd love to be exercising 3-5 times per week, including working in an occasional session of prenatal yoga. The energy and time continue to elude me though. I know that doing something is better than doing nothing, but I want to be doing MORE now while I still can!! So I will try harder this week to get to the pool and get on the treadmill more than once each.
That's all I have time for today. I'll write again soon, with some thoughts on why pregnant running is such a mental struggle! Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Running for Two
Well HELLO there, my handful of devoted readers! Have you missed me much? It has been a long time, but I can explain...
Most of you know by now that I'm currently pregnant with my fourth child, due to arrive the last week of June. Yay! I found out the week of my 10K (so I technically ran that race pregnant, though I didn't have any real symptoms yet and felt completely normal). We decided to keep the news to ourselves until just last week, for personal reasons, so I haven't been able to blog about my experiences trying to stay fit while battling nonstop nausea and fatigue for most of November-January.
I did post about my Turkey Trot 5K, but didn't mention the morning sickness that threatened to keep me away. My "morning" sickness generally lasts all day, and the two days before Thanksgiving had been particularly brutal. I woke up that morning not knowing what to expect, but I was fortunate enough to be able to run the race without feeling too sick! In fact, my break from nausea lasted long enough for me to cook a whole turkey dinner that day, only really overwhelming me right before we ate. I'm very proud of myself for dealing with the cold wet weather, the fatigue, AND the possibility of the nausea appearing at any moment, to run that race. It ended up being my final pre-baby race, as I'm in no shape for long distances now, so I'm even more grateful that I was able to complete it.
After Thanksgiving, finding the motivation to exercise got harder and harder. Not only did I feel awful most of the time and barely have energy just to get through the day, but I also was overwhelmed with holiday tasks and squeezing in enough work hours by the end of the year. I only ran a few times in December, and didn't swim at all. January was only marginally better, as my first trimester pregnancy symptoms tend to linger a few weeks into the second tri. I did manage to run a little more and drag myself to the pool....once.
Psychologically, this experience has been a bit of a mess. I alternate between feeling frustrated and disappointed with myself, and wanting to cut myself some slack for doing the best that I can. In my previous pregnancies, I have not even attempted to exercise, so even the little that I've done has been a vast improvement!! I still strive to do better though, and will continue to try. For me, it's not an issue of keeping my weight gain down or looking great or even feeling good throughout the pregnancy. I actually hate being pregnant and I know I'm not going to feel good no matter how fit I try to be! All my efforts now are focused on making recovery quicker after the baby is born. I will have a repeat c-section, and will have 6 weeks post partum where the only exercise I'm allowed to do is walk. But once those 6 weeks have passed, I want to get back into running as quickly as I possibly can!! The better shape I stay in now, the easier it will be to get back into it then!! At least, that's what I'm hoping....
In case you are wondering about the Big Picture, I still have my long-term goals of running more races and eventually completing a triathlon. I've simply shifted it all a little further into the future. I hope to return to 5K's and 10K's as early as the fall, and I think I'm aiming for early summer 2012 for my first sprint distance triathlon. I do not see this pregnancy as an obstacle to overcome or a detour from my journey...it's all PART of the lifelong journey to good health. I'm sure I will have lots of philosophical musings about pregnancy and fitness, so be prepared for more frequent postings. I probably will also need to vent my frustrations some, since, as I mentioned, I really hate being pregnant, and I never have an easy time of it. You name a possible pregnancy symptom, and chances are I've had it at least once. To add insult to injury, I have a blood-clotting disorder which requires me to give myself daily injections for the whole nine months. Good times...good times.
I hope blogging will help me with my motivation issues. I've been to the pool once this week and plan to swim again tomorrow morning. So far I haven't talked myself into a run yet; I hope to get on the treadmill Saturday morning or sometime on Sunday. I could use some encouragement, so if you think you can handle all my hormonal whining, please join me on this part of my journey!!! Thanks! :)
Most of you know by now that I'm currently pregnant with my fourth child, due to arrive the last week of June. Yay! I found out the week of my 10K (so I technically ran that race pregnant, though I didn't have any real symptoms yet and felt completely normal). We decided to keep the news to ourselves until just last week, for personal reasons, so I haven't been able to blog about my experiences trying to stay fit while battling nonstop nausea and fatigue for most of November-January.
I did post about my Turkey Trot 5K, but didn't mention the morning sickness that threatened to keep me away. My "morning" sickness generally lasts all day, and the two days before Thanksgiving had been particularly brutal. I woke up that morning not knowing what to expect, but I was fortunate enough to be able to run the race without feeling too sick! In fact, my break from nausea lasted long enough for me to cook a whole turkey dinner that day, only really overwhelming me right before we ate. I'm very proud of myself for dealing with the cold wet weather, the fatigue, AND the possibility of the nausea appearing at any moment, to run that race. It ended up being my final pre-baby race, as I'm in no shape for long distances now, so I'm even more grateful that I was able to complete it.
After Thanksgiving, finding the motivation to exercise got harder and harder. Not only did I feel awful most of the time and barely have energy just to get through the day, but I also was overwhelmed with holiday tasks and squeezing in enough work hours by the end of the year. I only ran a few times in December, and didn't swim at all. January was only marginally better, as my first trimester pregnancy symptoms tend to linger a few weeks into the second tri. I did manage to run a little more and drag myself to the pool....once.
Psychologically, this experience has been a bit of a mess. I alternate between feeling frustrated and disappointed with myself, and wanting to cut myself some slack for doing the best that I can. In my previous pregnancies, I have not even attempted to exercise, so even the little that I've done has been a vast improvement!! I still strive to do better though, and will continue to try. For me, it's not an issue of keeping my weight gain down or looking great or even feeling good throughout the pregnancy. I actually hate being pregnant and I know I'm not going to feel good no matter how fit I try to be! All my efforts now are focused on making recovery quicker after the baby is born. I will have a repeat c-section, and will have 6 weeks post partum where the only exercise I'm allowed to do is walk. But once those 6 weeks have passed, I want to get back into running as quickly as I possibly can!! The better shape I stay in now, the easier it will be to get back into it then!! At least, that's what I'm hoping....
In case you are wondering about the Big Picture, I still have my long-term goals of running more races and eventually completing a triathlon. I've simply shifted it all a little further into the future. I hope to return to 5K's and 10K's as early as the fall, and I think I'm aiming for early summer 2012 for my first sprint distance triathlon. I do not see this pregnancy as an obstacle to overcome or a detour from my journey...it's all PART of the lifelong journey to good health. I'm sure I will have lots of philosophical musings about pregnancy and fitness, so be prepared for more frequent postings. I probably will also need to vent my frustrations some, since, as I mentioned, I really hate being pregnant, and I never have an easy time of it. You name a possible pregnancy symptom, and chances are I've had it at least once. To add insult to injury, I have a blood-clotting disorder which requires me to give myself daily injections for the whole nine months. Good times...good times.
I hope blogging will help me with my motivation issues. I've been to the pool once this week and plan to swim again tomorrow morning. So far I haven't talked myself into a run yet; I hope to get on the treadmill Saturday morning or sometime on Sunday. I could use some encouragement, so if you think you can handle all my hormonal whining, please join me on this part of my journey!!! Thanks! :)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Gobble Gobble
11/25/2010 6th Annual LARS Turkey Trot 5K
Official time: 39:01
I should confess up front that I'm still in a bit of an exercise funk and have not become reacquainted yet with my motivation. But I'm still trying!
Thanksgiving morning was cold and rainy. I'd been up late the night before, preparing food in advance. I got up early in the morning, after not nearly enough sleep, to prepare still more food. The thought of bailing on the race under those conditions was mighty tempting!!!
At the last possible second, I decided that I really did want to run the race after all. I threw on my clothes and rushed to the starting line with less than 10 minutes to spare. My expectations were spectacularly low: with only 2 runs under my belt since my 10K, and such gross weather conditions, I fully expected to struggle just to finish in a vertical position.
Luckily, the atmosphere was festive and my fellow racers were cheerful and friendly, which helped offset the cold and rain. I also rather enjoyed the novelty of running through the town where I live for a change - the course took us through downtown, along the river, and even near my church and past the field where my son played soccer this fall! There was one brutal hill that I'd planned in advance to walk, and walk I did. I knew if I tried to run it in my current shape, I'd probably be toast for the rest of the race after that! Walking up the hill and catching my breath afterwards allowed me to run the rest of the race in good form!
Overall, I'm pleased with the experience and I'm glad I didn't let the weather and lack of energy keep me away. I didn't stress about the race and just ran for the enjoyment of running! I walked when I needed to and still finished with a respectable (for me) time. Running on Thanksgiving morning really was a blast, and I plan to do more Turkey Trots in the future! Maybe next year I can drag my whole family out...there were a bunch of kids in this race (and most of them beat me...hahaha).
It was back to laziness for me for the rest of Thanksgiving weekend, but then I managed to get up and run yesterday. It was a short run, and a bad one, but I'm glad that I ran at all. It looks like I'll be doing mostly treadmill running now that the days are getting so short, so I'll have to readjust to that. I still hope to get outside on the weekends though!
I still have not managed to drag my butt back to the pool. It's getting harder now that it's cold in the mornings. Getting out of my nice warm bed to go outside where it's cold and then swim in a cold pool sounds thoroughly unappealing. I don't even know how to talk myself into it. Maybe I need to bribe myself with some kind of treat after I swim. Hey, bribery works on my kids...why not me too? :)
Tomorrow is another run day, and then Friday maybe I'll finally make it to the pool. Or not. I'll keep you posted.
Official time: 39:01
I should confess up front that I'm still in a bit of an exercise funk and have not become reacquainted yet with my motivation. But I'm still trying!
Thanksgiving morning was cold and rainy. I'd been up late the night before, preparing food in advance. I got up early in the morning, after not nearly enough sleep, to prepare still more food. The thought of bailing on the race under those conditions was mighty tempting!!!
At the last possible second, I decided that I really did want to run the race after all. I threw on my clothes and rushed to the starting line with less than 10 minutes to spare. My expectations were spectacularly low: with only 2 runs under my belt since my 10K, and such gross weather conditions, I fully expected to struggle just to finish in a vertical position.
Luckily, the atmosphere was festive and my fellow racers were cheerful and friendly, which helped offset the cold and rain. I also rather enjoyed the novelty of running through the town where I live for a change - the course took us through downtown, along the river, and even near my church and past the field where my son played soccer this fall! There was one brutal hill that I'd planned in advance to walk, and walk I did. I knew if I tried to run it in my current shape, I'd probably be toast for the rest of the race after that! Walking up the hill and catching my breath afterwards allowed me to run the rest of the race in good form!
Overall, I'm pleased with the experience and I'm glad I didn't let the weather and lack of energy keep me away. I didn't stress about the race and just ran for the enjoyment of running! I walked when I needed to and still finished with a respectable (for me) time. Running on Thanksgiving morning really was a blast, and I plan to do more Turkey Trots in the future! Maybe next year I can drag my whole family out...there were a bunch of kids in this race (and most of them beat me...hahaha).
It was back to laziness for me for the rest of Thanksgiving weekend, but then I managed to get up and run yesterday. It was a short run, and a bad one, but I'm glad that I ran at all. It looks like I'll be doing mostly treadmill running now that the days are getting so short, so I'll have to readjust to that. I still hope to get outside on the weekends though!
I still have not managed to drag my butt back to the pool. It's getting harder now that it's cold in the mornings. Getting out of my nice warm bed to go outside where it's cold and then swim in a cold pool sounds thoroughly unappealing. I don't even know how to talk myself into it. Maybe I need to bribe myself with some kind of treat after I swim. Hey, bribery works on my kids...why not me too? :)
Tomorrow is another run day, and then Friday maybe I'll finally make it to the pool. Or not. I'll keep you posted.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Old Habits
Just like I lost a lot of the fitness I'd built up during my weeks away from exercise due to illness, so too did I lose the good habits I'd worked so long and hard to develop. I had gotten really good about getting up before dawn nearly every day to go for a swim or a run. Then I spent a couple of weeks stealing every extra minute of rest I could get, and stopped setting my alarm completely. Now I'm setting the alarm again, but I can't seem to make myself obey it.
You see, I'm chronically overtired. I never get enough sleep, and there's not much I can do about it. There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to be the mother, wife, and employee I expect myself to be.
Part of the reason I let my weight get so out of control is that I never made exercise enough of a priority that I could work it into my schedule. And isn't that one of the most common excuses not to work out? "I just don't have the time." But if you don't find the time to take care of yourself now, then later you may run out of time in your life too soon! So I finally started MAKING the time to get in shape. It wasn't an easy process, training myself to get up early every day. I am NOT a morning person, and I never will be. But eventually I made early morning workouts a habit, a routine, a natural part of my life.
And now all that has unraveled. I'd forgotten how delicious a soft pillow feels under a tired head, or how cozy the blankets are on a chilly morning. I forgot how good an extra hour of sleep could feel to someone trying to function on a deficit. Right now, sleep is kicking exercise's butt in the battle of my mornings.
I think I have just temporarily lost my focus. Now that winter is approaching and the racing season is winding down, all my major goals are further out on the horizon, so I don't have anything to be pushing myself for at the moment. I'm not feeling any serious motivation to break out of these old habits into which I have re-settled. I don't know why it has to be one extreme or the other for me. What I'd like is to find some happy medium...the drive to keep exercising several days a week even if the workouts are not too challenging. I'd like to maintain some reasonable measure of fitness through the holidays before I start training again for spring events.
So that's my struggle right now. Hopefully soon I'll have a positive update about how I've found my motivation again and eased back into regular exercise!!
You see, I'm chronically overtired. I never get enough sleep, and there's not much I can do about it. There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to be the mother, wife, and employee I expect myself to be.
Part of the reason I let my weight get so out of control is that I never made exercise enough of a priority that I could work it into my schedule. And isn't that one of the most common excuses not to work out? "I just don't have the time." But if you don't find the time to take care of yourself now, then later you may run out of time in your life too soon! So I finally started MAKING the time to get in shape. It wasn't an easy process, training myself to get up early every day. I am NOT a morning person, and I never will be. But eventually I made early morning workouts a habit, a routine, a natural part of my life.
And now all that has unraveled. I'd forgotten how delicious a soft pillow feels under a tired head, or how cozy the blankets are on a chilly morning. I forgot how good an extra hour of sleep could feel to someone trying to function on a deficit. Right now, sleep is kicking exercise's butt in the battle of my mornings.
I think I have just temporarily lost my focus. Now that winter is approaching and the racing season is winding down, all my major goals are further out on the horizon, so I don't have anything to be pushing myself for at the moment. I'm not feeling any serious motivation to break out of these old habits into which I have re-settled. I don't know why it has to be one extreme or the other for me. What I'd like is to find some happy medium...the drive to keep exercising several days a week even if the workouts are not too challenging. I'd like to maintain some reasonable measure of fitness through the holidays before I start training again for spring events.
So that's my struggle right now. Hopefully soon I'll have a positive update about how I've found my motivation again and eased back into regular exercise!!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Catching My Breath
Well, the cold I mentioned in previous entries, which I'd been fighting for about two weeks, ultimately morphed into bronchitis. I missed four days of work and finally dragged myself to a doctor last Friday. After a round of antibiotics, I'm finally feeling like a human being again, and I can BREATHE!!!!
The bronchitis was a surreal experience. I'm in probably the best cardiovascular health I've been in as an adult. I ran an entire 10K without ever getting so winded that breathing was a struggle. And then, just a few days later, I found myself out of breath just from walking into the next room of my house! I've been slowly getting better all week, but haven't attempted running again yet because I just can't imagine being able to breathe well enough.
While I've been out of commission, I've had time to ponder my goals. Achieving my goal of running a complete 10K on the first try was so unexpected that it really threw me for a loop...almost as much as failing at my first 5K goal did! I had planned on running another 10K in December, and expected THAT to be the first one I'd run all the way through. Now I technically don't need to run that race, so I'm thinking of skipping it to save some money and just resume racing again in the spring. On the other hand, without an event to keep training for, it might be easy to lose my motivation as I get caught up in the hustle and bustle (and eating!) of the holiday season.
As of now, I'm still undecided on the 10K, but I'm sticking with my plan to run a 5K Turkey Trot race on Thanksgiving morning. After two weeks off from running, I have no idea what kind of shape I'll be in, but I'm going to do my best. I might try to get out for a short jog tomorrow morning, but if I don't make it, I will definitely run again this Sunday. Wish me luck and a set of healthy lungs!
The bronchitis was a surreal experience. I'm in probably the best cardiovascular health I've been in as an adult. I ran an entire 10K without ever getting so winded that breathing was a struggle. And then, just a few days later, I found myself out of breath just from walking into the next room of my house! I've been slowly getting better all week, but haven't attempted running again yet because I just can't imagine being able to breathe well enough.
While I've been out of commission, I've had time to ponder my goals. Achieving my goal of running a complete 10K on the first try was so unexpected that it really threw me for a loop...almost as much as failing at my first 5K goal did! I had planned on running another 10K in December, and expected THAT to be the first one I'd run all the way through. Now I technically don't need to run that race, so I'm thinking of skipping it to save some money and just resume racing again in the spring. On the other hand, without an event to keep training for, it might be easy to lose my motivation as I get caught up in the hustle and bustle (and eating!) of the holiday season.
As of now, I'm still undecided on the 10K, but I'm sticking with my plan to run a 5K Turkey Trot race on Thanksgiving morning. After two weeks off from running, I have no idea what kind of shape I'll be in, but I'm going to do my best. I might try to get out for a short jog tomorrow morning, but if I don't make it, I will definitely run again this Sunday. Wish me luck and a set of healthy lungs!
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