Photographic Evidence

As promised, I am finally sharing some pictures from my second (and first successful) 5K. Consider this proof that I really did run the race and I'm not just making all this up. :)

See? Look at the joy on my face! :) This is my friend Jack and me after we finished the race.


Here we are just getting started...



And here we are approaching the finish line!!!



My hero! Thanks again, Jack! I couldn't have done this without you, and I appreciate your true friendship!!


So there you have it. I really did complete a 5K like I told you!! I hope I have some similarly triumphant pictures after this weekend's 10K, no matter how the run actually goes. :)

As far as my training goes, I did get out and run 35 minutes this morning. Breathing was still a little strained, and I had a lot of coughing after the run was over, but I can definitely tell that my cold is mostly gone. I feel reasonably ready for Sunday...I at least feel ready to give it my all and have a good time! Tomorrow or Saturday I will post some last-minute thoughts and my goals for the race. Stay tuned!

The Neck Rule

Last Thursday I missed my run because I was coming down with a cold. It has only gotten worse since then. I tried to do my scheduled five-mile run on Sunday, but it didn't go well at all. I was winded almost immediately and had trouble breathing throughout. I took a couple of walk breaks and only completed three miles. At that point I decided not to push it too far and just walked one last mile to get home.

It was only after I got home that I did a bit of internet research and discovered the "neck rule," which basically states that if your symptoms of illness are all above the neck (nasal congestion, sneezing, runny nose, headache) it's safe to exercise, but if your symptoms are below the neck, it's probably better to rest. Most of my symptoms were above the neck, but I did have some chest congestion which worsened after my run.

Under ordinary circumstances, none of this would be any big deal, but with my first 10K coming up this Sunday, I'm taking it more seriously. I understand I'll need to adjust my expectations for the race, and that's fine. I was only ever attempting it just to finish in the first place. But I do want to be well enough to at least do that, so I'm taking it easy for a few days until I can breathe more easily. I skipped my swim today and have already decided to skip my run in the morning. I don't know yet about Wednesday's swim, and I'm hoping to be able to do a short, easy run on Thursday. I'm also trying to get a little more sleep than usual.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not disappointed at this turn of events. The timing stinks. I really felt like I was on a roll after my successful five-mile run a week ago, and I thought I had a good chance of being able to run most of the 10K, with only a few short walk breaks. But the big picture is what is most important to me. I know I'll get back into the swing of things once I'm well, and I'll continue to make progress in the future. So I'm trying to stay positive and just focus on getting better so I can enjoy my experience on Sunday no matter what happens!

A side note: I finally have my photos from the Semper Fi 5K, and I will post them later this week!

Leveling Up

DISCLAIMER: I have no scientific evidence to back up what I'm about to say. This is simply my interpretation of what my body is currently experiencing. If you can prove me wrong and have a better explanation, feel free to share and I will not mind. :)

Fitness is like a video game. There are different levels, and each time you reach a new level, some tasks suddenly get much easier, and you can start developing some new skills.

I feel like I reached a new level sometime in the past couple of weeks. My second 5K was much easier than my first, and the week before that I ran nearly 4 miles. Yesterday I completed a 5-mile run, and it felt amazing! I only had trouble breathing during the 3 challenging hills, and I did not feel like dying at the end.

It seems like just yesterday when running 30 minutes straight was a real struggle. Now 30 minutes is an easy run, and twice that is more challenging than painful. Although my overall progress has been taking place over a period of many months, it seems like the change in the way I feel has happened rather suddenly, and thus my theory of fitness levels was born.

Please do not worry - this does not mean I am going to take my current level for granted. I do not expect every run to go perfectly now, even the shorter ones. In a video game, you can still be felled by an obstacle you've beaten a thousand times if you're not paying enough attention, or something has happened to throw you off your game. Likewise, I could easily tank a short 2-mile run on a random bad day. The difference is just that now my perception of what is an "easy" workout has been adjusted upwards, and goals that once seemed out of reach are now just barely beyond my grasp!

You can probably ascertain from this post that my 10K training continues to go well. I still do not expect to run the whole 6.2 miles the first time out, but what I do expect is to enjoy whatever portion I am able to complete. I truly am addicted to running now, and I'm having so much fun with it! It's amazing how much more enjoyable it is once you "level up" and get to a point where running a few miles is pretty easy. I look forward to improving my distance and time as I work towards the next level!

Sweet Success!

10/9/2010 Semper Fi 5K
Official Time: 35:28 (Ran the WHOLE WAY!!)

Sorry it has taken me so long to write this recap! I've been super busy and mentally preoccupied, but now I'm ready to share my triumph!

After my long run last week, I felt somewhat confident going into this race, but my knee issues concerned me a little. Then I stayed up really late watching an exciting playoff baseball game on Friday night, which probably wasn't the best idea but couldn't be helped. I love baseball more than I love running. :) Anyway, I was not as well rested as I should have been on Saturday morning, and wasn't sure how that would affect my performance.

The physical conditions of the race were perfect. The weather was a comfortable temperature, and the course was super flat. We ran around Hains Point in East Potomac Park (Washington, DC), and the views over the water were simply gorgeous. It was a very small event (being held for the first time), so it had a nice friendly feel to it.

Speaking of "friendly," the best part of this race experience was having a running buddy, my good friend and former roommate, Jack, who agreed to do this even though he was only in town for two nights for a wedding. I really think he is the reason I got through the race! I might have been able to finish on my own, but my time definitely would not have been as good. He was a constant source of encouragement...and distraction! We basically chatted through the whole race, which made the time and the miles just fly by. Right towards the end it got rough and I was too winded to talk anymore, but Jack just kept encouraging me, and he got me to speed up, pass a few people, and finish strong!

I had dreamed of maybe finishing in under 38 minutes, and managed to do it in under 36! When I saw the clock at the end, with the time starting with "35," I was amazed and overjoyed! After hugging and jumping up and down and hootin' and hollerin' in celebration, Jack and I hung around for the awards ceremony. We applauded all the winners, and were impressed/ashamed by their times. A 72-year-old man won his age category with a time about 9 minutes faster than ours. Good for him!!! And WOW, I still have a long way to go to really be in shape, even at 40 years younger.

If you're wondering how my knee held up, it was perfectly fine. It bothered me a tiny bit at the beginning of the race and then I didn't notice it again the rest of the time. In fact, it only just barely hurt a couple more times throughout the entire weekend. I think whatever issue there was has just worked itself out, and I'm grateful. It will be interesting to see if the same pain returns again in the future, though.

I had a few other ordinary aches after dancing the night away at the wedding Saturday night, but stayed active anyway, going apple picking with my family on Sunday. It was a pretty physical weekend, and I love that I'm in good enough shape to do all those things without getting too worn out! I did decide to take an extra rest day from running, just to play it safe. So my next run will be tomorrow, and then another on Friday, and then I'll be attempting 5 miles this Sunday!

Now that I've conquered the 5K, I'm surging forward with my 10K training. My race is in 2.5 weeks, and I'm hoping to be able to run at least 2/3 of it, maybe even a little more. After that, I will continue with 10K training, for another race possibly in December? And I will be on the lookout for another 5K or two. I can't believe I thought racing wasn't for me just because my first experience went so badly. This race was so much fun and I'm totally hooked! I imagine it will always be more fun to have a buddy than to go it alone, but I think I'll even enjoy running by myself now that I'm more comfortable with the whole experience.

By the way, the reason there are no photos with this post is that we have misplaced our camera. I hope we will find it soon, but if not, I will try to get at least one of Jack's photos of the two of us after the race! I've seen the official race photos and there are some good ones of us, but I don't know how to post those or if I'm even allowed to post them. If and when I get some photos, I will be sure to share them.

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART for your continued support! I have accomplished one significant goal, but it is only the first of many! With you behind me, there is no telling how far I will go! THANKS!!!!

Silent Anticipation

I've been uncharacteristically quiet this week, unlike the week before my first 5K attempt. There have been a thousand thoughts swirling around in my head, but I've been wary of putting them into words and sharing them with you, for fear of over thinking things, or jinxing myself.

So I will keep today's post simple and just update you on my progress. Last Sunday I set out on a 4-mile run, expecting to have to walk some of it. The chill in the air sparked a spring in my step, and I surprised myself by running the whole thing! I felt great almost the whole time, except when I was tackling some rough hills, and finished strong, feeling like I could have gone longer if necessary.

It seemed impossible that I could have just completed four whole miles, so I compared my route on mapmyrun.com and gmap-pedometer.com. The former measured my distance as four miles, while the latter had it closer to 3.75. Either way, it was the longest distance I had ever run, and I'm very proud of it!

I really needed a win like that to boost my recently shattered confidence. Each day is its own, and each run is its own, and there are no guarantees. Running nearly four miles last week with ease does not mean my 5K race this week will be a breeze. I understand that. Just the same, I'm now going into this race with more confidence in myself than I would have had without that successful run.

One cause for concern right now is my right knee. Since my long run, I've had some mild pain in it off and on. It didn't bother me much during my shorter run on Tuesday, but has been getting worse and more frequent since then. It is a new sort of pain for me and I'm having trouble identifying the cause. This morning I overslept, and instead of just shortening my run, I chose to skip it completely and let my knee rest. I really hope it won't give me any trouble on Saturday!

Aside from the knee pain, I truly feel ready for this race. I will have my music, a running buddy, my own water, and a good attitude. My primary goal is to run the entire distance without walking, but in the event that I cannot achieve that, my secondary goal is to beat my previous time. I am certain that I will accomplish at least one of my goals, as long as I don't hurt myself!

I hope to report my results as soon as I get home on Saturday, but it's going to be a very busy day for me, so you may be in suspense until Sunday. If you are my friend on Facebook, you'll probably see at least a brief report as soon as the race is over! Please keep me in your thoughts on Saturday morning, and as always I am incredibly grateful for your support!

I Love the '80's

It's been nearly five months since I "owned my number" and celebrated dropping below 200 lbs. All summer long, my weight remained in the 190's, mostly fluctuating between 193 and 196. Today I finally broke through the 190 barrier and got back into the 180's!

I know five months is a long time to lose 10 lbs, but I'm actually fine with my rate of progress. Although losing weight is part of the big picture for me, it is usually not my main focus. I'm not willing to go to extremes to lose weight quickly, because I don't want to employ any methods that I cannot maintain long-term.

My approach to eating is all about balance and moderation. I do not diet. I just try to make mostly good choices, most of the time. When I indulge in foods that I know are not good for me, I don't call it "cheating." The psychology of that kind of language bothers me. To me, cheating is about dishonesty and breaking rules. I'm not trying to force my eating habits into strict rules, and I'm not lying to myself or anyone else about what I'm eating, so the word "cheating" just doesn't apply.

For me, the honesty is the key part. I don't delude myself into thinking I'm eating healthy all the time even when I'm not. I know when I eat a cupcake that it's not the best fuel for my body, and that I will likely see the results on the scale and feel them in my clothes. Being honest with myself about what I'm eating helps me to be aware when the indulgences start to get out of hand, and the bad choices start to outweigh the good. That's when I either have to accept that my weight loss is going to stall for a while, or start exercising more self-control to get my eating back on track.

Clearly the summer was one of those stalling periods (lots of cupcakes...and boy, were they good!), and now I'm back on track with the self-control. I'm happy to be back in the 180's again, and hope to go down another clothing size before too long. It would be nice to make a good chunk of progress with the weight loss before getting engulfed in the holiday season...it's much harder to make good choices at that time of year!

Tuesday Tips: Measuring Distance

How do most people measure the distance they run outside?

This is a new problem for me. I spent most of my early months running on my treadmill, and even once I started running outside, most of my workouts were measured in time, not distance. Now only my weekday runs are specific amounts of time; on the weekends I'm supposed to run a specific number of miles.

I do have a pedometer but it's not working for me. It's nothing too fancy, but you can enter the length of your stride in order to make the measurements more accurate. The problem is if I measure a walking stride, then it's not accurate when I run, and if I measure a running stride, it won't be accurate for my warm-up and walking breaks. And there is no way to toggle between the two.

My budget is very tight right now so I can't go out and buy some nifty new gadget (though I may put one on my birthday or Christmas wish list!). In the meantime, I don't know whether to stick to my treadmill to make sure I'm running the right distance, or run outside and just hope that I'm maintaining close to my indoor pace, and run what would be the right amount of time to cover the distance.

Or is there another inexpensive solution I'm just missing? I don't have access to a track (that I know of), and there is a nearby park with a path in it that I frequently run on...the loop is just under a mile, but there is a short detour around the end of the block so it's probably a little more than a mile now. I suppose I could just pretend it's a mile even...or is that just dumb?

If you run outside, please let me know how you measure your distance, and share any relevant tips! Thanks!

Take Two

One thing I learned from my years of actual horseback riding is the sooner you get back on the horse, the better. The longer you wait, the more time there is for fear to creep in, and fear can be crippling.

I successfully "got right back on the horse" of running in general, and have stuck to my training, but the "horse" of racing has yet to be remounted.

A part of me would like to wait a long, long time before attempting to run another 5K. It would be nice to have run 3.1 miles so many times that I could do it in my sleep, such that there would be no question about whether I could finish without walking. At the same time, I know that if I wait too long, the head games will start all over again and I'll have a big wall of fear standing between me and running a complete race. I need to get back on this horse as soon as I can.

To that end, today I registered for the Semper Fi Fund 5K which will be held two weeks from tomorrow. It benefits a worthy charity, and a dear friend who will be visiting from out-of-town is going to run it with me.

The one drawback of this race is that I will be attending a wedding rehearsal and dinner the night before, and thus may not get to bed too early. I pretty much never get a full night's sleep anyway, and though I'm sure I would perform better with more sleep than I currently get, at least my body is accustomed to exercise while tired.

I promise not to freak out this time if I don't manage to run the whole race. Completing the distance without walking is still my goal, but to be honest, I'm no longer that confident that I can do it. I'm going into it this time accepting that I might fall short of my goal. The difference this time is that any failure will be a physical one, not a mental one. If I take a walk break, it will be because I literally HAVE to, not because I'm giving up when things get tough. And you can bet I'll start running again and finish STRONG no matter what happens!

Tuesday Tips: Food as Fuel

On my family outing to Costco this past weekend, I sampled two flavors of Clif bars for the first time. They were quite tasty and I considered buying a box, but decided to wait until I figure out whether I really need them.

So once again I turn to my personal panel of experts, all of my wonderful friends and readers who are runners or active in some other way! Do you eat energy bars? If so, how often and when? Do you eat them before every workout, or just the longest or most strenuous ones? Or do you eat them after you work out?

If you don't eat energy bars, do you eat anything at all before you work out? I currently do not. I drag myself out of bed around 5:45am, or sometime soon after...or something after that. :) There is really no time to eat and I'm usually not hungry yet anyway. I just take a few sips from my water bottle as I'm warming up, and then I'm on my way. I eat breakfast soon after I come home.

Sometimes I start to feel really hungry in the middle of my swims, but I don't usually notice hunger during my runs. Soon I will be running for longer stretches though, and I'm wondering whether I ought to eat a little something to help boost my energy. As always, any and all tips are welcome!

In case you are wondering, my training is back on track and going well. Some runs have been difficult, but I'm hanging in there and building my endurance. I will attempt three miles this weekend...wish me luck!

Back on the Damned Horse

The very first advice I got after announcing my failure was from my good friend Jimmy, who said "Stand up, brush yourself off, and get back on the damned horse." What seemed impossible in the immediate aftermath has become reality over the past few days. I've done some standing and some brushing (and a lot of thinking, OVER-thinking, and looping back around to rational thinking), and this morning I got back on the horse.

It was just a leisurely 25-minute jog, but it was a start. I've backtracked on my training a little bit. There had been quite a few weeks of overlap between my 5K training program and my 10K training program, but I backed up about a month on the 10K training, to repeat some really manageable runs and rebuild my confidence. I never expected to be ready to run the whole 10K on Oct. 31st anyway, so it should work out just fine.

I feel good about my recovery time. I ended up taking off only as many days as I'd originally planned to take. Considering how badly this whole experience threw me for a loop, I'm proud of how quickly I've been able to fight my way back. I wish I could have orchestrated a similar rebound during the stupid race, but better late than never. As always, I have to thank all of you for your support! It's amazing to see that so many people care. And several of you really got what I was going through in my head...I thank you most of all for helping me see that I'm not completely crazy, just mostly crazy. ;-)

Now I can answer the question "where do I go from here?" The answer is "FORWARD." And despite how I closed out an earlier entry, I do hope you will come along for the ride. I've decided to "Cowboy Up" at the suggestion of my friend Maria (thanks for that, by the way...it made me smile!), and I'll be registering soon for another 5K. Details on that will be coming soon, so stay tuned!

Head Games

Well I've spent all day up inside my head, sorting through the junk that is there and have come to the conclusion that what I really need is to stay OUT of my head. :)

Before I share the other insights I discovered today, I'd like to take a minute to thank everyone for your support! I've received a variety of feedback (mostly on Facebook) over the past few days, and I'm taking it all to heart. Some of you I will try to respond to individually, but in case I take a long time to do that, I wanted to make sure all of you know how much I appreciate your concern! You could easily roll your eyes at my silliness and just go on with your lives, so the fact that you've taken the time to respond to me is touching, and is absolutely appreciated!

Today I managed to move on past the idea of failure. My darling husband, who is my biggest fan, conceded the point that I did in fact fail at this race. Regardless of what anyone else thought my goals should have been, my stated goal was always to complete my first 5K without walking, and I failed to do that. However, I in turn conceded the point that one failure, however huge it felt at the moment, does not make me a failure in general. You win some; you lose some. I lost this one but I might still earn a winning record before the season of my life is done.

Once I removed the "big fat failure" label from my head, I spent the better part of the day ruminating on quitting. I'm not a failure, but I absolutely am a quitter. I've earned that label on more than one occasion, and like I mentioned yesterday, this is a tendency I've been struggling with all along. Quitting is a gross betrayal of self, and it's hard to cope with the aftermath because the enemy at whom my anger is directed...is me. There was no outside force responsible, not even a vague one like chance or bad luck. Quitting is always a choice.

What's killing me most in retrospect is not that I initially slowed to a walk, but that once I quit, I embraced that status wholeheartedly and refused to try to start running again. I think part of the problem was that I've focused completely on preventing that urge to stop in the first place, and never bothered to develop mental strategies for getting started again after a stop. Maybe what I need is to accept that the tendency to want to quit will always be with me, and just work harder at starting again, and maybe decrease the amount of time between the stops and starts. If I can do that, then I'm never really quitting - I'm just taking breaks!

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” --Lance Armstrong

I found this quote today and it really spoke to me. I think I will classify what I've been going through the past few days as mental "pain," but what happened Saturday will not ultimately be quitting because it will NOT last forever. I have to run again. I've invested too much time, energy, and money into it just to stop now. I've got expensive shoes with a lot of wear left in them. I've got a 10K in October for which I've already paid. You could say I'm "pot committed" at this point, and I have no choice but to go all in.

So I'll be taking one more mental health and physical rest day, and then Wednesday morning I will rise before dawn, lace up my Asics, slip in my earbuds, and hit the road. I'm a little apprehensive because everything feels different now that I'm operating so far outside of my original plan. I might still be stuck all up in my head and will psyche myself out of a decent run. Even so, the road will still be there on Friday.

I'd like to close on a lighter note...some more thoughts from Lance Armstrong that I found particularly poignant today:

Anatomy of a Failure

9/11/2010 Arlington 9/11 Memorial 5K
Official time: 43:07 (ran a little over 2 miles, walked the final mile)

I feel like I owe it to all of you to explain what went wrong yesterday, even though I don't fully understand it myself.

I can pinpoint a few decisions I made that may have contributed to my miserable experience and thus my failure, but there's no way of knowing for certain if the outcome would have been different had I made better choices.

Here are my key mistakes:
1. I did not wear sunglasses. It didn't even occur to me that I might need them until I noticed some other runners wearing them but at that point it was too late.
2. I did not carry water with me. I assumed there would be 2 or 3 water stations along the course, but there was only 1 and that turned out not to be enough. Though I hydrated well before the race, once it started I was immediately parched and that bothered me immensely.
3. I decided at the last minute not to take my ipod. I foolishly allowed myself to be swayed by friends who suggested that I "take in the sounds of the race" even though I knew it wasn't smart to make any major changes like that the day of the race. You don't wear new shoes or new clothes on race day, and you really shouldn't suddenly stop running with music when you have trained with music all along. I was not mentally prepared to push through rough spots without the aid of music, and I really should have known better than to make that change at the last minute.

The race started out fine but then immediately I started to feel incredibly nervous. It probably took a good half mile for the butterflies in my stomach to settle. Meanwhile I did manage to find a comfortable pace pretty easily and finished the first mile just about 30 seconds faster than my usual pace. I already felt awful by the first mile marker though, and couldn't believe there were still more than 2 miles to go. Then I reached the water station, and my small drink was so refreshing! I felt briefly re-energized but it didn't last long because I was quickly parched again.

As we headed over toward the Pentagon, I was utterly miserable and desperate to hit the second mile marker. I thought that once I got to where there was only about a mile left, I'd be able to push through and keep going. Not so, unfortunately. The route through the Pentagon parking lot was ever so slightly uphill, and the sun was directly in my eyes, so I had my head down staring at the ground, barely able to breathe and wanting with every step just to quit. I tried to tell myself that quitting was not an option, tried reminding myself of what I was capable of, tried reminding myself of what I was running for and what the event was all about. Nothing worked. I quit. I slowed to a walk and it was all over. I could have started running again once I caught my breath, but I didn't see the point. I had already failed and given up. Honestly, the only reason I walked all the way to the finish line was because I HAD to go back to the hotel where I had checked my bag. If I could have gone straight to my car and driven away instead, I probably would have.

I take no pride in just finishing the race. To me, I did not finish. From the very beginning, my goal has always been to run a 5K without walking. It's a perfectly reasonable and attainable goal when you put in as many months of training as I have. I even completed the distance on my treadmill last weekend, so I knew I was capable. I fell very very short of my only goal...I cannot classify that as anything other than failure. I'm not making any excuses, and I have no one to blame but myself. My body did not let me down...my mind did. Throughout this journey one of the biggest things I've been battling is my tendency to give up when the going gets tough. I thought I was overcoming it, but at the critical time, when it mattered the most, the going got tough and I gave up. I refuse to take any pride in that.

So now the question is "where do I go from here?" I honestly do not know. I'm left with nothing but negative feelings from my first race experience. The truth is, I wasn't having fun even before I quit. From the moment I got there, I felt very alone and out of place, like I didn't really belong. The start of the race was sort of exciting, but that feeling didn't last long at all. Perhaps I assumed too much when I expected to like the world of running races. Right now I have no desire to run another race. I actually have no desire to run at all just yet. I was supposed to take a couple of days off and resume training on Wednesday...we'll see if that actually happens. I'm not going to make some melodramatic statement about being done with running forever, because I just don't know right now. Maybe the negative feelings will fade. Maybe my goals will change. Maybe I'll fall back in love with running, but at this moment the romance is over.

I don't know where to go from here in the rest of my life either. It's not a good feeling to look deep down inside yourself and discover a quitter. My confidence has been obliterated and I'm questioning everything I do, every decision I make. We all dream of improving our lives, but maybe my dreams are pointless if I can't trust myself to persevere through challenges. It's easy for people to say encouraging words about how I have to just keep going now and blah blah blah. But I just don't know if I have any fight in me anymore. I worked so hard at this one thing, focused so much time and energy on it. When I ran out of energy to run, I think I ran out of energy to do anything at all. It might help to take a break from running and focus on other things for a while, but I kind of don't want to focus on anything. I wish it were possible to take a break from life, and just pick up where you left off when you're ready. Spoken like a true quitter, huh?

If you don't feel like following my journey anymore, I don't blame you. I probably wouldn't follow me either. I'm sorry I led you to believe I was someone tougher, stronger, better than I turned out to be. But thanks for believing in me just the same.

Today's the Day!!

My outlook is definitely different today than it was yesterday. I didn't conquer my demons or silence the negative self-talk; I simply shifted the focus from ME ME ME to the reasons I chose this race on this day in that place.

The Arlington 9/11 Memorial 5K is about something much larger than my little fitness journey, and if I keep that in mind, I should have all the motivation I need to push through and finish. If I stop running before the finish line, the terrorists win! Okay, that's a little melodramatic, but I do believe I will prevail today because of the deeper meaning behind the race. I've spent the morning reflecting on that tragic day 9 years ago - it's amazing how many details I still can recall - and now I'm ready to take the shock, fear, sadness, and anger and turn them all into triumph, albeit on a small scale.

Now it's time to stop reflecting and start getting pumped up! The weather in Arlington is currently 75 degrees and partly cloudy - beautiful! I need to make a final decision on attire (I wasn't able to buy a new shirt after all and was planning to go with my running tank, but this morning started thinking that maybe I should wear an American flag shirt....aaaahhh why is this so difficult? LOL) , do some light stretching, and then hop in the car for the long drive around the Beltway. I hope to post the results, along with some photos, tonight, or tomorrow night at the latest.

Thanks again for all of your support through the past several months! I hope I don't let any of you down today! :)

Cold Feet

Why did this have to happen today? I had a horrible run this morning, and it has destroyed my confidence for the race.

It wasn't even supposed to be difficult...I was just going to jog a slow 2 miles, no more, since the race is tomorrow evening and I didn't want to overdo it. Well, I had zero energy, and my legs felt like they weighed a ton, and there was no spring in my step, and I had this nagging ache deep in my right thigh the whole time...every minute was miserable. I finished the amount of time I wanted to run, but I know I didn't come anywhere near a full 2 miles. Most of the time, my pace was barely above a swift walk.

This is not what I needed today. There are several things causing me frustration and stress in my life right now, and what I needed this morning was to have a great run and feel strong and powerful afterwards! Now I feel overwhelmed by life AND running. If I feel like this tomorrow evening, I don't know if I will be able to finish the race.

I understand that bad runs happen, but I'm feeling particularly upset that this one had to happen today of all days. Now instead of just relaxing and being excited for the race, I'm spending all my energy fighting off the negative self-talk that keeps ringing through my mind. Running my first race was already enough of a challenge. It didn't need to be made more difficult, and yet here I am.

Now what I'm trying to do is convince myself that running is just like theatre...a bad dress rehearsal leads to a fantastic opening night, right???? Please God, let it be so!

Tuesday Tips: Advice for Race Day

Perhaps you've heard...my first 5K is this coming Saturday!!! I am equal parts excited and nervous, and I have a bunch of questions. Please share your insights!

Music: I always run with my ipod, and I'd thought about making a play list specifically to get me through the race. However, I've also found that when I run outside, I rely a lot less on the music to keep me going. Should I stick with what I've been doing all along, or leave the ipod at home and just take in all the sounds of the race as part of the experience?

Food: The race is at 6pm. What time should I eat beforehand, and what? Is it necessary to load up on carbs before a race this short? Is it better not to eat too much, so that nerves won't cause an upset stomach?

Packet Pick-Up: I don't anticipate being able to get down to Arlington any other time this week, so I'm just going to pick up my packet as soon as I get there on Saturday, probably about an hour before race time. Does that sound reasonable, or should I make an effort to get there even earlier?

Warm up: What is the best way to warm up before a race? I usually stretch a little and then walk five minutes before running...should I try to replicate that right before the start of the race? I just have no idea what to expect so I don't know what is feasible.

Is there anything else I'm missing, some detail I have overlooked? Please give me all the tips you normally give first-time racers!!! Thanks!!!

Mountains Out of Molehills

Do you ever assign to one part of your life way more importance than it deserves? I do this with my running. When I have a good run, I feel invincible, like anything is possible. When I have a bad run, I feel like a complete failure at life.

Luckily, I haven't had a truly bad run in a really long time. Even the more difficult ones have ended well, leaving me with a good feeling of success. Today's run was a lot like that, except that it felt so rough throughout that I was left feeling a little discouraged even though I pushed through and completed my time.

Logic would tell me to score this one as a win: I struggled, persevered, and achieved my goal. The fact that it was a tough win should make me feel more accomplished, not less. Instead, this morning's run left me discouraged and doubtful that I'll be able to complete my 10K on Halloween. (I still feel okay about the 5K, though not quite as confident.)

I'm frustrated with myself for the negativity. In my head I hear Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally: "I'm not saying it didn't mean anything. I'm just saying why does it have to mean everything?" Of course, he wasn't talking about running...:) Still, this is what I'm saying to myself because I know no good can come from blowing one difficult run out of proportion! One run, good or bad, isn't everything!!!

Are there things in your life that you place too much importance on? If so, what do you tell yourself to help keep it all in perspective? I fear this run may haunt me next time if I don't convince myself that it doesn't have to mean everything.

One Goal Down...

I don't mean to brag, but I can now run 30 straight minutes without walking, and without feeling like I'm about to die at the end!! Okay, so I'm still running at a pretty slow pace and have more time/distance to cover before I can complete a 5K, so if I am bragging, I really shouldn't be! :)

Still, the 30-minute run is a goal that has eluded me for many years now, and I feel pretty terrific for finally accomplishing it! I've even done it twice already, so the first time clearly wasn't just a fluke!

As amazing as I feel, there is no time to rest on my laurels, because I have so many larger goals still looming on the horizon. I still need to stretch my 2.5 miles into 3.1 and actually finish my first 5K race. Once that is complete, I will immediately begin training for my first 10K which I'll run on October 31st!

After that, I have a few other races in mind, plus my triathlon training for next year, so there is always something for which to prepare. I like having goal after goal ahead of me, because it motivates me to keep going and getting more fit and healthy. To anyone who struggles to stick with an exercise program, I highly recommend setting specific goals, such as completing races or improving performance - it's so much more fun than just trying to force yourself to spend "x" amount of time in the gym every day!

I want to take a moment to thank you, my readers and supporters. Your encouragement has helped to push me through the rough spots and I am so grateful! There have been a few times during difficult runs when I thought about quitting, but then realized how disappointed in me you all would be, and so I kept going. You have truly become part of my journey and I hope that I am making you proud! Please know that you will be in my thoughts throughout my first race in just A WEEK AND A HALF! I hope you will be thinking of me too. :)

Tuesday Tips: Cross Training

I could use a little advice regarding cross training the weeks before and after my first race.

As you probably know, I swim on the days I don't run. This Friday will be my last swim for a while, because my pool is shutting down for three weeks for its annual maintenance. The staff handed out a list of other county pools that accept our passes, but I don't think any of them are close enough for me to use without majorly disrupting our family's daily routine.

I have some fitness DVD's that I was thinking of using, for fun and a change of pace (some dance, some Billy Blanks boot camp, whatever torture Jillian Michaels thought up before she created the 30 Day Shred, etc.), but I'm concerned about doing anything too different with my legs the week before my race. Is this a silly concern, or a legitimate one? If it's legitimate, would you recommend just resting on my off days leading up to the race and maybe a couple of days after, or would it be better to do some walking to keep the muscles loose and warm?

Thanks for any advice you can share!!

In other news, I hit a major milestone with my running on Sunday evening, and I've been eager to blog about it, but my brain has been preoccupied with my oldest son's first day of kindergarten, which was today. Tomorrow I hope to be back to "normal," whatever that is, and will post my thoughts then! Stay tuned!

Tuesday Tips: Race Day Attire

With my first race less than three weeks away now, I'm starting to think about the details of the big day so I can be fully prepared. One detail I'm pondering is what to wear!

I'm no fashionista and I really don't care whether I look stylish or cute even when I'm not running! My main concern is what would be most comfortable and appropriate for the race environment.

Part of my clothing challenge is covering my not-quite-fit-yet body. No matter how hot it is, I will not be running in short shorts and just a sports bra! Nobody needs to see all that...trust me. :)

I'll probably wear a pair of exercise pants that come just below the knee, but the shirt is a little trickier to figure out. I have a running tank top with a built-in bra that would certainly be cool to wear if the temperature is high. Unfortunately, it tends to ride up while I run, so I'm constantly tugging at the bottom, pulling it back down over my stomach and hips. My other option is to wear a baggy t-shirt that will not require constant maintenance but could get insanely heavy with sweat over the course of 3.1 miles.

A third option would be to find some time to go shop for a new shirt that would not have the problems of the other two. I know I would need to do that ASAP so I can practice in the new shirt before race day.

What do you think? If you run races, what do you usually wear? Do you think what you wear affects your performance at all?

Head First

Well, my fitness journey took a real nosedive today...literally! And it's a good thing! No, scratch that...it's a GREAT thing!

You may recall from my earlier posts that my childhood progress through swimming lessons came to an abrupt halt when I could not learn to dive. I simply could not do it. There was some enormous mental block between the top of my head and surface of the water. I tried and I tried, and people tried to teach me using every strategy imaginable. No matter what, I always managed to turn upright at the last possible second and slip some other body part under me to enter the water before my head.

At some point I gave up, and accepted my inability to dive as just a part of life. I never had any problems jumping into water, even deep water, feet first (as long as I had my nose squeezed closed between my fingers, that is), so not being able to dive was sort of a non-issue. But in a way it always haunted me deep down inside as this basic skill that most everyone could do...except me.

Some time after I started overcoming my face-in-the-water issues and became comfortable swimming like a normal person, I started to ponder whether I might actually be able to dive someday. While I was on vacation at the beach, I played around with "diving" headfirst into some waves in the ocean, and found it rather easy to do. Diving downward would be more difficult than diving straight forwards, but I thought I might give it a shot.

Last week one morning, I was sitting on the side of the pool with my legs dangling in, and decided to tip over with my hands in a diving position to get the rest of me into the water. It wasn't a true dive, since part of me was already in the water, but it felt good and there was no hesitation or fear.

So my plan was to try it from a squatting position this week, but I actually forgot about the whole plan until I was nearly at the pool this morning. When I remembered, I decided to abandon the plan and just go for it. I have a tendency to over think things, and rarely does any good come of that. When fear is involved, over thinking just gives the fear more time to creep in and take control. So I walked to my lane, put on my swim cap and goggles, bent over, and just DOVE RIGHT IN!

It felt so incredible! The water has never felt so smooth or refreshing! In one fell swoop I washed away an entire lifetime of fear and anxiety! And now I feel like I can conquer the world. If I can overcome a lifelong fear just like that, there are truly no limits to what I can do!

Now, it's worth noting that it was not a good dive, per se. I did not become Greg Louganis in an instant. Hahaha! My form was poor, but most important is that my hands entered the water first, followed by my head. My thighs might have been next to hit, which is less than ideal, but I'll take it because they came AFTER my HEAD! :) :) :)

Life is funny. If I'd never gotten a stress fracture, I might not have fallen in love with swimming, and thus might never have had the opportunity to overcome one of the biggest fears of my life. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I am grateful.

An Uphill Battle

Today I encountered a challenge running outside in my neighborhood that was not an issue at all along the flat coast of South Carolina: HILLS!

My own street has an incredibly steep hill, but since I went down that at the beginning of my run, I thought I was in the clear. I figured I'd go back up the hill during my walking cool down, and all would be right with the world.

What I didn't realize was that one of the other main roads in the neighborhood was just one long (though less steep) hill, and I had to run up the entire thing on the route that I chose! I don't know exactly how long the hill was, but I'm pretty sure it was at least 500 miles. My struggle must have been a comical sight, as I believe I was "running" at a pace slower than my 1-year-old toddles.

Halfway up the street, I came the closest to quitting in the middle of a run than I have since before my stress fracture. I don't really know how I managed to keep going, even as my thighs and hips were burning with every step. The pain subsided once I reached level ground again, and I was still able to finish my run strong, so I guess in the battle of me vs. hill, I won! But next time I run outside, I think I'll plan my route more carefully to avoid long uphill stretches.

Eventually I'll want to do some hill training on purpose, but right now I'm still just trying to survive my runs without dying. Baby steps!

The Great Outdoors

My last post got a little heavy on the introspection, so I figured I'd save some of the more practical reflections for another day.

Running outside went really well last week, heat and humidity notwithstanding. I found that the time passed fairly quickly, and I didn't have to rely on my ipod as much to keep me going. The pavement felt great under my feet! I'm sure my speed slipped a little as I got tired, but I never finished a run feeling completely spent, so maybe slowing down isn't such a bad thing to do.

I haven't run outside since I've been home (I overslept yesterday and it had already started getting hot, so I decided it would be a treadmill day!), but I'm optimistic about how I will progress once I do.

The other new experience from my vacation was open water swimming! I mostly was playing around in the ocean, "diving" into the occasional wave, and having a good time, but I did try a little actual swimming and noticed how very different it was from pool swimming! Obviously I knew it would be different, but it's one thing to have a fact lodged in your brain and another to feel the truth of it with your body. Next year, when I begin my actual triathlon training, I'll need to work some open water swims in there somehow. I just hope I can find some water as pleasantly warm as the ocean off of South Carolina in August!

Now that I'm home, I'm settling into my new routine of morning workouts and focusing most of my energy on my running. For now, the swimming is just a cross training tool for my non-running days and I won't give it much more thought for a couple of months.

COUNTDOWN TO 5K: 3.5 weeks!!

Where It All Began

Last week I returned to my roots in more ways than one.

I spent the week on beautiful Edisto Beach, SC, the little slice of heaven where as a child I vacationed with my family and as a college student I lived a few summers with my parents who had retired to their home there. It was during one of those college summers when I first fell in love with running.

The pace of life is slow on Edisto, in a way that I find refreshing now, but found a little boring in my youth. This one particular summer I was working in a restaurant to earn tuition money, but didn't really have much else going on. I decided to spend all my extra time enjoying the beach, and getting into shape!

Though I was already somewhat internet-savvy in those days, I don't think websites with free walk/run training programs even existed, so I devised my own plan for gradually increasing my run times. My goal was to be able to run 30 minutes at a time 3 to 5 days per week, and by the end of the summer I was doing just that.

Running in the miserable SC heat/humidity was not the easiest way to pick up a new hobby, but the "runner's high" experience made every bead of sweat worthwhile. I felt amazing, powerful, and even a little attractive. I wish I had continued running regularly when I went back to school in the fall, but I guess life just got in the way.

Going back to where I first started running was interesting, and a little cathartic. Physically, it was much as I remembered: the air so wet it was difficult to breathe without gills; the intoxicating smells of salt water, sand, and marshes; the extreme friendliness of everyone I met..I could go on and on. Though the houses have grown, the restaurants have changed owners and locations, and the town has entered the modern era with its own website and Facebook page...Edisto is still Edisto, and always will be. Running through my old neighborhood last week was like spending time with a dear old friend.

The catharsis came about by reflecting on my mental state. I ran for different reasons when I was 20 years old, and my world had not yet been touched by grief, real stress, or hardship. Completing a tough run was a challenge all in its own, never a metaphor for overcoming difficulties. Now I run with the burdens of an adult life on my shoulders. I run to survive. I run to escape. I run to forget. I run to prove something, but I don't always know what.

Last week I ran on vacation because I have a race to be ready for very soon, and also because I want to prove to myself that I'm in control of my health and not using any available excuse to slip back into laziness. But I also ran so I could connect with my younger self and how it felt to be so free. And I ran so I could connect with the island, this place that my parents loved so dearly and where I feel their presence more than anywhere else.

My life as a runner came full circle, and in some ways my grief did too. Prior to this vacation, the last time I visited Edisto was right after my mother died, when several of us brought some of the funeral flowers out to the beach to scatter in the waves during a gorgeous Edisto sunset. I'm a different person than I was 5.5 years ago, and for once I'm confident my parents would be proud to see me now...so I hope they did see me frolicking in the surf with my boys, and huffing and puffing through a few good runs down the street where they lived.

I'll save the rest of my fitness reflections from vacation for another post, another day. :)

Night and Day

Today I made a significant change in my workout routine. Up until now, I had been running late in the evenings, usually around 9:00pm. This morning, for the first time in a long time, I ran in the morning.

I'd been planning to make this change for quite some time, but didn't get around to doing it until it became necessary. When my oldest son starts kindergarten in a few weeks, we have to really streamline our schedule to keep him on a good routine and keep our busy family functioning. This means only one workout per day, first thing in the morning.

Most weeks, my new routine will be as follows:
Monday: Swim
Tuesday: Run
Wednesday: Swim
Thursday: Run
Friday: Swim
Saturday: Rest
Sunday: Run

This should get me through the next few months. I might add some yoga in the evenings occasionally, and I'll throw in some other workouts in place of the swims from time to time as well.

Running first thing in the morning definitely had a different feel today...it took longer than usual to fully warm up and settle into my stride. But the run still felt good and I'm pleased with how it went.

Next week I'll be on vacation and I will add another new element to my running: the great outdoors! I have not run outside since I got my treadmill last November. As my runs get longer, it gets harder to keep staring at the same old walls, so I'm looking forward to the change of scenery. I'll still use my treadmill in bad weather, or when I need to get a better idea of my speed. I will report next week how my transition to outdoor running goes...let's just hope I don't face plant into concrete like I did a year ago!

Countdown to 5K: 5 weeks today!!!

Tuesday Tips: Speed or Time?

I have a dilemma and I could use some help sorting it out.

When I finish my walk/run training program one week before my 5K, I will be running 30 minutes straight through with no walk breaks. However, I currently run at 5mph, or a 12-minute-mile pace, so at 30 minutes I will not have completed 3.1 miles.

My goal for my first race is to complete the entire distance without walking, so it's time to figure out what I need to do to make that happen. I see three main options, but I'm also open to other suggestions.

Option A: Change nothing. Complete the remainder of my training program at the same speed. Try to add a few extra minutes to my last two runs before the race, and then just rely on race-day adrenaline to get me through the whole 3.1 miles.

Option B: Keep my speed the same but deviate from the times in my scheduled runs. Start adding on a couple more minutes to each one so that by the end of the program I'm actually running about 38 minutes.

Option C: Keep my times the same but start gradually increasing my speed, so that by the end of the program I can complete 3.1 miles in 30 minutes or close to it.

I'm a tiny bit wary of pushing myself too hard, because it was when the runs got a lot longer and I increased my speed a bit that I ended up with the stress fracture last winter. Maybe neither of those factors was truly to blame for the injury, but I don't know for sure and thus I'm nervous. I also don't know whether speed or time/distance is safer to increase at this point. Please share any wisdom or knowledge you may have on this topic! Thanks!

Running to Remember

Barring any unforeseen injuries, I'll be running my first 5K race six weeks from tomorrow!

(Yes, I'm totally knocking on wood right now, after the injury reference. I'm not terribly superstitious, but...oh, who am I kidding? I'm a baseball fan! Of COURSE I'm superstitious!)

The race I've chosen is incredibly meaningful to me. It's the Arlington 9-11 Memorial 5K Run, and you can read its history at www.arlington911race.com.

My 9/11 story is nothing special - I didn't lose a loved one, or witness the horrific events as they unfolded. But I was in DC that day, just a few blocks from the Capitol and scared out of my mind. The experience had a profound effect on me, and not in a positive way.

Everyone I know seemed to recover from 9/11 and go back to their normal lives with little difficulty, but the terror and overwhelming sadness caused me to lose any skills I once had for coping with stressful situations. I don't know why it all affected me so deeply; all I know is that I never was the same after that day.

Losing the ability to handle stress definitely had an impact on my weight and fitness, as I became much more prone to emotional eating. I'd been in great shape leading up to my wedding just 10 days before the terror attacks, but lost the drive to exercise when it felt like the world was ending.

From then on, every major challenge I faced in my life, from my mother's deteriorating health to my struggles in finding a permanent job, etc., led me further down the road to poor health. Without good coping skills, I drowned my sorrows and stress in junk food and laziness over and over and over again.

I think the reason the pattern kept repeating so easily was that I didn't even recognize what was happening. Only in the past couple of years have I been able to look back with clarity and pinpoint all of the problems and how they built upon one another. September 11th didn't make me fat, but I realize now that if I had dealt with my own emotional reactions to that day in a more constructive way, I might not have developed such unhealthy habits in the aftermath. It's my own fault for letting things get so bad, but at least I'm finally doing something about it now!

When I run around the Pentagon on September 11, 2010, I will remember the poor innocent souls who perished there nine years before. I will pray for their families and loved ones and hope that they're living well today. And with each step I will release the fear, sorrow, and anger I've carried for far too long, and hopefully start getting back some semblance of my pre-9/11 self.

Not to put too much pressure on my very first race or anything, but it sort of feels like I'll literally be running for my life. :)

When You Least Expect

It would be a tad too optimistic to claim that my recent slump is over, but I have made an unexpected breakthrough!

Saturday's "excessive heat warning" joined forces with severe nasal/sinus congestion to leave me feeling more beat down than ever yesterday. I was dreading my evening run, convinced it could only go poorly.

As I laced up my fancy sneakers, my racing dreams seemed worlds away. I tried to give myself a pep talk, but the best I could conjure was a list of cliches: "Fake it 'till you make it;" "Go through the motions;" "Just do it."

My expectations were low when I stepped onto the treadmill. The plan was to run my 21 minutes in two blocks with 3 minutes of walking in the middle. I wanted the first run to be at least 11 minutes long so the second run would be shorter than the first. The farther I got past 11, the better...but in truth I doubted my ability to complete the 21 minutes with only one walking break.

As soon as I started running, something just clicked in my head. Without any drama or fanfare, I said to myself, "I'm just going to run the whole thing straight through. I don't think I CAN do it...but I just WILL." It was as simple as that decision. And I did it. I DID.

Now, I know that running 21 minutes at 5mph is no great athletic feat. The true victory for me last night was mental. My body was clearly capable of completing the run, but what had been suffering in recent weeks was my mind. I hope this breakthrough gives me enough momentum to get back on track. I have until August 3rd to register for the 5K I want to do before the price goes up, so this is the week when I need to be mentally strong enough to commit.

Dog Days of Summer

I'm having major motivation issues right now. I thought I was back on track after a week or two of laziness and excuses. I thought I'd gotten my head back in the game.

Not so, it would seem. I feel myself disengaging mentally. Where I used to look forward to my runs all day long, now I dread them. Where I used to enjoy every lap of my swims, now I'm back to feeling like I did in the beginning, pushing myself just to get through the workout so it can be over.

My inner lazy slug is trying to take over again, and I don't know why. It's not that my goals are any less interesting to me...I still want to run a 5K, and then a 10K, and then start training for a triathlon. I still want to lose weight and improve my overall health and live an active lifestyle. I just don't feel like working hard at it right now.

Could it be just a phase? That's what I'm hoping. It has been a long, hot summer, and I'm feeling a little worn out, burned out, beat down. Maybe what I need is cooler temperatures and the fresh-start feeling that autumn always brings. Unfortunately summer is still in full swing, and autumn is way off on the horizon.

I need to find a way to recharge my batteries NOW. I do have a beach vacation coming up in a couple of weeks, and hopefully that will help. I hope to get in 2-3 runs while on vacation, but otherwise I will spend my time relaxing, playing with my kids, enjoying my relatives and friends, and not worrying about the scale or the treadmill.

Until then I guess I will "fake it 'till I make it." I'll keep pushing forward physically and hope that sticking with the exercise will eventually get my brain to re-engage and my motivation to return. If anyone wants to give me a pep talk, feel free! And thanks! :)

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

I'm starting to think my unhealthiest habit isn't my love affair with cake or my lengthy list of excuses not to work out. The worst thing I do to my body is fail to get enough sleep on a regular basis.

I've always been much more of a night owl than a morning person, and it wasn't hard to get away with that sort of schedule when I could balance my late nights with sleeping in later than most people do. I still used to average 6-7 hours of sleep per night, never 8, but I functioned reasonably well.

Ever since I started getting up at 6am to swim most mornings, I've been operating on even less sleep, because I haven't balanced that out with an earlier bedtime. I generally go to bed sometime between 12 and 1, which means I'm getting 5-6 hours of sleep most nights, and it's just not enough. It's a vicious cycle that self-perpetuates and gets worse and worse. I'm not getting enough sleep, so I'm tired all day and not working or performing other tasks efficiently. This leads to having to stay up later to get enough work hours in or find time to get other things done....and then I'm even MORE tired the next day. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Recently I've read that lack of sleep impedes weight loss, and it's easy to see how this is true. Sometimes when I'm sleepy I turn to sugary treats to give me a little pick-me-up. And some mornings I am just too exhausted to get up and swim. I believe there are also physiological explanations of how sleep deprivation impedes weight loss but I can't recall them offhand. All I know for sure is that I'm tired, and I don't know how to fix it.

I love the idea of having enough energy every day to be able to do everything I need to do in a timely fashion. I just don't know how to reverse the cycle in which I'm currently stuck. How do I force myself to go to bed at a reasonable time every night, especially if that hour arrives and I still have things I need to do? How do I adjust my thinking to make sleep a higher priority?

Maybe I should have saved this post for a "Tuesday Tips" entry, since what I need is some advice on how to get more sleep so I can be healthier. But I'm really sleepy today after staying up way too late the last 3 nights (and most nights last week as well) and I feel like I'm close to a breaking point. Please help if you can! And please forgive me if this post is not well-written...I'm definitely not as good with words when I'm overtired. So see, it's in your best interests as a reader of my blog to help me get more sleep so that what you read makes sense. :) Thanks!

Meet Me Halfway

Once again I have let time slip past without updating this blog. You really shouldn't be surprised, if you know me at all. :)

For the last week or so, I have really been off my game. I've had a lot going on, and when my focus shifted to other aspects of my life, my fitness motivation lapsed a bit. My diet has been heavy on cupcakes and my mornings have been light on trips to the pool. I even missed another week of running due to treadmill issues, scheduling issues, and major laziness issues. I'm sure you can guess the biggest culprit among those three!

The good news is that this week I am back on track! After Sunday's run I am officially halfway through my walk/run program and will now shift from mostly walking to mostly running! I opted to do my last run (15 minutes) nonstop, saving the walking for the end, and it went great! My leg is holding up well...only the slightest bit of pain, and it actually seems to be lessening. I don't know for sure if the new shoes made the difference; I'm just grateful the difference was made regardless!

If my running continues to go well, I think I'll be ready in the next few weeks to select a target 5K. I actually have a race in mind, and I ought to be ready just in time, but I want to wait a little longer before I say anything, lest I jinx it. I had just registered for my first race back in the winter when my leg pain got unbearable and I realized I needed to see a doctor and stop running for a while. I don't want to officially choose and register for another race until I'm a little more certain that I'll actually be able to run it this time!

Swimming continues to go well. My flip turns are getting smoother, though they're still more turn than flip. I guess it doesn't really matter how they look as long as they get the job done, right? As I get more comfortable doing them, my whole workout gets a little easier. I think I'll be looking for a new challenge in the pool soon, just to keep things interesting. A friend sent me a pool workout she read about, so I might give that a try.

I'm off to start week 9, running 18 minutes and only walking 12...wish me luck!

Saturday Shopper - Swimsuits

Either my pool has the scariest concentration of chemicals in the world, or else I'm just buying bad swimsuits. I'm now on my third one that has started just to disintegrate until there is so little fabric left that it's nearly transparent!

They are Speedo suits, but purchased at Costco. I know they're not the top of the Speedo line, but I never expected them just to fall apart like this. The first time it happened, I assumed it was due to my own mistakes, such as not rinsing it out well after every use, and also washing it in the washing machine a couple of times. I have taken much better care of my last two, only to see them fall apart in the same way as the first.

So far, I haven't wanted to invest the money in a really good swimsuit because I'm still losing weight and have quite a bit more left to lose. Ideally I'll be down another size in a couple of months, so I'll need another suit then anyway. Once I'm at a healthy weight, then I certainly won't mind shelling out a little more money for a couple of great swimsuits that will last me a while.

For now, please tell me where I can buy an affordable suit that won't disintegrate after a month!! Thanks!

The Heart of a Winner

"The most readily identifiable quality of a total winner is an overall attitude of personal optimism and enthusiasm. They know life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Things don't "just happen" in their lives; they make life happen by choosing a goal or destination worthy of their effort and commit to reaching it....Winners make commitments. Losers make excuses." (an excerpt from Built to Win, by John Schuerholz, baseball's winningest GM)

I love inspiration. I love to be moved so deeply that I feel empowered to take on the world and invincible against failure. This week, the sporting world has provided me with a great deal of inspiration.

First, there was the U.S. team in World Cup soccer. That game against Algeria was intense! Everything was on the line for Team USA, and after one goal was disallowed on a bad offside call, the players' spirits easily could have been crushed. They already had been robbed of one win by lousy officiating and seemed poised to suffer the same fate again. Often in sports, when a team is psychologically beaten down in a high-pressure situation, you see them just unravel until they barely even can play the game anymore. Not so with this team! They never gave up! They kept their wits about them and remained calm and focused. Over and over again they just kept trying, kept pushing, kept bouncing back from every near miss until finally their tenacity was rewarded with a goal and a win in the extra time at the end!

The U.S. team might not win the World Cup, but on Wednesday they proved that they are winners.

My next source of inspiration was the marathon Wimbledon tennis match played by John Isner of the U.S. and Nicolas Mahut of France. As an American, I'm thrilled that Isner ultimately won, but as just a human and a sports fan, I am humbled and amazed by both of them. Their physical endurance is impressive enough, but it's their mental stamina that truly blows me away. Rarely in my life I have seen such a great lesson in never giving up, never quitting. For 11 hours and 5 minutes, spread out over three days, these two men kept playing as hard and as well as they could, never once giving in to exhaustion. What makes it even more remarkable to me is that this was just a first-round match, and between two barely-known players (Mahut is only ranked 148th in the world!). We might expect this level of passion and endurance from two champions, fighting it out for another Grand Slam title; from these two guys it was nothing short of amazing.

John Isner might not win Wimbledon, and Nicolas Mahut might not in the future either, but on Tuesday, Wednesday, AND Thursday, they proved that they are winners.

Also from Built to Win: "Life for winners is not about making outs. It's about scoring runs. It's about having opportunities and people believing in you. It's about making progress and never quitting."

I've learned some lessons this week on what it means to be a winner, and I am applying them to my own life. I probably will never win a 5K race, or do any better than just survive a triathlon, but every time I fight back from an injury, or overcome a fear, or push through pain, exhaustion or my own overwhelming laziness, I will prove that I am a winner too.

Back on Track

Sorry I've been MIA for over a week! I haven't really had any news to report. I've just been adjusting to my new shoes and orthotics, and continuing to practice my flip turns in the pool. Everything is going well! I repeated a couple of runs from the last week of my program that I did before I took the little break, and then last night I moved on to the next week's run. The shoes are feeling great so far!

There is still a little bit of pain in my leg but I'm hoping it will work itself out as I continue to adjust to all the new added support. I will continue to monitor the pain and if it gets any worse I will definitely head back to the doctor.

If I can continue on my running program without any more breaks, I should finish it up the last full week in August. At that point I'll be able to run 30 minutes at a time, but at the pace I'm currently running, that won't get me through the whole 5K distance. I will have to keep working up to that, and I hope to be ready to run my first race in mid-September. I'm starting to look at events listed on websites like Active.com to get an idea of what my options will be in the DC/Baltimore area around that time.

As for my swimming, I've missed a few days lately. I've lost a bit of my motivation to drag my butt out of bed at the crack of dawn. Plus my allergies have been flaring up at night, so I've been taking Benadryl before bed, which inevitably leaves me groggy still when I wake up. I need to work harder to stop making these excuses. This morning I made some progress on that front and forced myself to get moving even though I desperately wanted to stay in bed. I won't let myself miss another swim this week, especially because I might have to miss a few due to scheduling issues next week! The flip turns are coming along....it's just going to take me more time to really get the technique down. Stay tuned!

Today was a pretty inspirational day in sports, with the USA win in World Cup soccer and the marathon Wimbledon match that still isn't over! I will ponder these events tonight and share my thoughts on them tomorrow. :)

A Whole New World

I fell in love today.

It wasn't the first time I fell head over heels (pun totally intended) for a store that sold shoes. I carried on a torrid love affair with DSW for many years, before the time and money constraints of raising kids put a major dent in my footwear obsession. I'll admit it - I still have feelings for DSW. But those feelings seem like puppy love compared to the passion I discovered today.

Acting on the advice of trusted friends, I entered a running store for the first time. Half an hour later (and me $150 poorer), Fleet Feet had captured my heart!

It wasn't just the exceptional service from a knowledgeable staff member that won me over. It was the overwhelming feeling that by shopping there I was joining a special club - real runners. I know a lot of real runners. Some of them I'm lucky to count among my friends. Many of them have inspired me to pursue the sport. I've wanted to be one of them for quite some time now, but have felt like an outsider looking in.

Of course it takes more than buying shoes from a running store to make a person a real runner. I understand that. I've got to stick to my training and keep pushing toward my goals. What made today a turning point for me wasn't making the purchase...it was how I felt about making the purchase. It felt like the start of something special, something that will last. I left the store knowing I would be back again and again. It's true love, y'all. :)

In case you're wondering about the results of my fitting, it turns out that although I have decent arches when I'm sitting down, they completely collapse when I stand up, and I definitely overpronate. The shoes I've been running in lately were a half size too small, and though they were stability shoes, they didn't have enough stability for my wonky feet/legs. So now I own a pair of Asics GT 2150's, and a pair of orthotic inserts for extra support. When I was trying on several different shoes, I could actually feel the difference in this particular pair. I am breaking in the orthotics for a few days and I plan to run in them for the first time on Thursday! Please cross all your fingers and toes for me...I really hope these shoes solve my leg pain issues and I can proceed from here injury-free!

Saturday Shopper - Running Shoes

Thanks to all the wonderful advice I received on Facebook after my post about leg pain, I am finally going to go to a running store and get fitted properly for the best shoes for me. I hope to go sometime in the next couple of days, but before I do, I wanted to see if anyone has any particular shoes they recommend.

Naturally, I will listen to the advice of the experts in the store, but if I'm left with a couple of different shoes from which to choose, I'd love to know which brands my runner friends prefer and why. I will take any and all tips under advisement, and report back on what I end up buying! Thanks!

In other news, unrelated to running or shoes, I have another update on my flip turns. When I first started practicing flips in the water, I would do it for 5-10 minutes after I had finished my regular swim workout. On Thursday I decided it was time to start incorporating the flip turns into my workout, and I managed to do them through all but 2 laps! I had even more success on Friday, doing flip turns throughout my entire workout. Now, they don't look pretty and their quality is incredibly inconsistent. I have a tendency to go sideways and all wonky, so my "flips" are really more like "half somersaults with a twist." So I will continue to work on my form and technique and practice practice practice until I can get it right every time.

Every so often I get water up my nose. Once upon a time, that would have caused me to stop swimming until I'd recovered, but I'm proud to say that now I can keep swimming through the discomfort. This is a reminder of the progress I have made in the past 3 months, from having to physically hold my nose closed whenever my face went in the water, to being able to do flip turns and not be stopped by getting water up my nose! Maybe someday I will even be able to dive. That is something I have never been able to do in my entire life. Diving isn't really a necessary component of my fitness goals, but I'm starting to get a little high off of conquering fears and accomplishing things I never thought possible. I might give diving a try one day just to see if I can. :)

Tuesday Tips: Dealing with Pain

"No pain, no gain!" Is that really true? Is there a certain amount of pain that just naturally goes along with working out and pushing your body to its limits? Or is all pain a sign of your body telling you that something is wrong?

Unfortunately, I'm experiencing pain in my left leg again. The good news is that it's not in exactly the same spot as my stress fracture was, so I don't think it's a re-injury. The bad news is that I don't know WHAT it is. It's in an odd spot: the inside of my leg, just above my ankle, going to about the middle of the leg. I feel like lower leg pain associated with running usually occurs in the calves, shins or ankles.

In some ways, this feels like deja vu. There is pain in my leg, but I don't want to rest it to see if it will go away. I don't want to lose momentum in my walk/run training program. At the same time, I realize that if there is something seriously wrong, continuing to run could make it even worse.

So how do I know when pain is normal, and when it's cause for concern? Fellow runners, what do you do when you first start to experience some leg pain? Run through it, and maybe ice it afterwards? Or do you stop immediately, and rest a few days?

I should note that I'm still not running all that much - a total of 12 minutes, broken up with some walking - so I don't really understand why I'm having pain at all. My runs are otherwise easy. I would not characterize the pain as severe, but it has gotten worse over the past week and I also feel it occasionally at random times during the day, when I'm not running.

I'm not the type to run to the doctor at any hint of illness or injury...I hate to waste a copay just to be told to take it easy for a few days, you know? So I could use some advice on how to deal with pain and how to tell what is normal and what is not. Thanks!

Picking Up Where I Left Off

The redundant portion of my weight loss journey is over! Today I weighed in at 196 lbs, which is what I weighed at the start of my last pregnancy.

After my second son was born in the summer of 2007, I started exercising (mostly just walking) and eating better, and I slowly began to lose weight. By the spring of 2008 I was down a little more than 25 lbs, and had just started running. I felt great and was motivated to continue getting in shape. Then my untimely pregnancy with my third son caught me completely off guard.

The damage was more psychological than physical at first. I just gave up on myself immediately. All I could think was that my hard work had been a waste of time, and now I probably would gain all the weight back and have an even harder time trying to lose it all over again. Thanks to a difficult pregnancy (emotionally and physically) and the death of my father, and more negative self-talk, I became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It was incredibly hard to find the motivation to start another weight loss journey after my baby was born. I was in the depths of grief and eating my way through it. Attempts at exercise never lasted long before I gave up and landed my butt back on the couch again.

Even once I finally committed to getting healthy, the frustration of having to re-lose weight I'd already lost has been with me every step of the way. So today truly feels like a fresh start! Now as the numbers on the scale continue to go down, each one will be a weight I haven't seen in over 5 years!! I don't even remember what it feels like to be smaller than this. When I go down another size, it will be like getting a brand-new wardrobe because I haven't seen those clothes in so long that I've forgotten what they look like!

For a long time I was angry at myself for letting my emotions cause me to gain that weight back, but I'm ready to let it go now. It's just...life. Sure, it would have been easier NOT to have to lose those 25 lbs TWICE, but being angry at myself isn't what drove me to do it, and it isn't what's going to drive me to keep going now. Losing weight and getting in shape have such a crazy psychological component, and I'm fighting hard to keep a healthy sense of perspective so that I won't self-sabotage again. And even if I do - if I face another tragedy or period of stress that causes me to gain a bunch of weight - there will be no need for negative self-talk because I know now that I CAN lose the weight again if I need to!!

I've always believed in God, and I believe in lots of other things too, but what's new these days is that I finally believe in ME! :)

Side note: I promised an update on my attempts at flip turns. I tried a few yesterday, and WOW they're hard. This is going to take a while for me to master. I didn't get to practice this morning because my pool was closed due to a power outage, but I'll get right back to it next week and I'll let you know when I manage to make some progress!

Flipping Out

I've decided that this is the week when I will start to attempt flip turns!!

As I mentioned previously, this is the next challenge I want to tackle in the pool. Even though flip turns are not part of swimming in open water like I will someday do in a triathlon, I think they will help my workouts flow a lot better.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been practicing exhaling through my nose underwater, and have done a bunch of regular flips away from the wall. I think I'm ready to try a few flip turns now!

I've been studying this video from the Beginner Triathlete website: How To Do Flip Turns. I'll probably watch it a few more times...it seems helpful, and it doesn't hurt that the guy is pretty cute. :)

If all goes well, I'll make my first attempts tomorrow morning. Whether I succeed or fail, I'll report back with my results. Wish me luck!

Tuesday Tips: Warm Ups, Cool Downs, and Stretches

Welcome to a new feature of my blog! I will do this any time I have a question to ask, just like my Saturday Shopper feature. My Saturday questions will continue to focus specifically on fitness-related products, while my Tuesday questions will be more about techniques, methods, etc. I hope you will give me some good feedback!

My first question is what do you do to warm up before swimming or running? What do you do to cool down after either of those? And how much do you incorporate stretching into warming up, cooling down, or other parts of your workouts?

I don't really warm up before I swim. I get into the pool, do one slow lap with a kick board, do a couple of short stretches in the water, and then jump right into swimming laps. Every so often I do a little stretching between laps. When I'm done swimming, I do a couple more short stretches in the water, and then go soak in the hot tub for ten minutes.

When I run, I start with a few short stretches, and then I walk for five minutes before running. I do not stop during the run to stretch. When I'm done, I walk at least another five minutes, sometimes longer, to cool down, and then finish up with some longer, deeper stretches.

I feel like I'm probably not stretching quite as much as I should be, but I just don't have the patience for it! Before I work out, I'm anxious to get started, and then when I'm done I'm just DONE. But I also sometimes wonder if inadequate stretching has been a factor in my past injuries.

So please tell me what you do, and also whether your routine has changed over time and if so, why. I can't wait to hear your tips!

A Quarter for My Thoughts

A penny for my thoughts just won't do...it's inflation, people! Just kidding - the quarter actually refers to my progress in my walk/run program. I officially have completed 25% of it! So that's 4 weeks down and 12 to go!

I'm definitely still a long way from running the 5K distance though. I have run a total of 6 minutes in a session, and tomorrow night I will increase that to 9 minutes (not consecutive). My progress is slow, as I knew it would be, but it is steady and mostly pain-free so far. I do have occasional aches in my left leg, near where my injury was, but nothing severe or sustained so I still think I'm in the clear for now. I do worry about it occasionally though. I'm not sure how long you have to be healthy before you can shake off the worry about re-injury.

Meanwhile in the pool, I have continued to build up my endurance by decreasing the amount of time that I pause between laps. The next big challenge I want to tackle is learning how to do flip turns. Since I have issues with getting water up my nose, this is going to be as slow a process as anything else. I've been practicing blowing air out my nose underwater and have attempted a few feeble flips (in place, not while swimming laps). I'll let you know how things go from here.

No Excuses!!

In the past two weeks, I have missed 5 workouts. Since I'm shooting for 11 workouts per week right now, that number isn't horrible, but it's not great either. In the three weeks prior, I didn't skip a single workout, for any reason.

This change has led me to ponder excuses. I am the Queen of Excuses. I don't say this with pride...just honest self-awareness. It's really very easy for me to come up with an excuse to do or not do whatever I want.

When I look back over the workouts I've missed recently, at least one excuse was perfectly legitimate. I forgot to set my alarm so I overslept and literally did not have time to go to the pool in the morning. Once the moment of forgetfulness had happened, there was not much I could do to rectify the situation when I had somewhere to be.

One of my excuses was completely lame. My bathing suit was really worn out (and possibly see-through in the back) and I skipped a swim until I could buy a new one. I really should have gone to the pool that morning anyway, and I'm disappointed in myself for wimping out.

The other three missed workouts fall into a gray area...not feeling well. Twice it was a cough/cold and the other time was a stomachache. If I were not the Queen of Excuses, I would trust my own judgement and not worry about my choices here. But knowing myself, I'm afraid of slipping into old habits of constantly making excuses to be lazy. I haven't lost interest in my goals, but as I settle into a routine and my progress remains slow, it's hard to keep that passionate, driven feeling every single day.

So I'm trying to figure out how to handle the excuses. Which ones are legitimate, and which ones are not? Where do I draw the line? How do I recognize a lame excuse in time to stop myself from making it? When it comes to not feeling well, how sick is sick enough not to work out? No one can really answer these questions for me...I have to figure it out for myself. At the same time, I would love to hear feedback from anyone who has also struggled with excuses! I'll post an update myself if I develop any new insights. Maybe I can go from being the Queen of Excuses to being the Queen of Self-Discipline instead! Hey - anything is possible, right? :)

Paying it Forward

Yesterday we registered our two older boys for their first swimming lessons. They're very excited to go to the pool I go to every day, although the oldest likes to declare that he already knows how to swim. Yeah, splashing around in the bathtub doesn't exactly count, buddy!

In general, I think it's important for kids to learn how to swim because it can be a real safety issue if they are ever around a body of water. On a personal level, I'm thrilled for my own kids to learn to swim because I want them to grow up in an active, healthy lifestyle.

Body image issues are not exactly the same for boys as for girls, but I want to teach and emphasize health in our home nonetheless. My kids do not hear us talk about ourselves or anyone else as "fat," but instead we talk about what a healthy body looks and feels like. We talk about nutritious foods, and the importance of drinking water.

Most of all, we try our best to model good behaviors, because we know they are learning more from what we do than from what we say. How can we expect them to eat their vegetables if we don't? How can we tell them to go outside and run around if we are sitting on our behinds watching TV all day long? I doubt they would be as excited about their upcoming swimming lessons if they didn't see me come home from the pool every morning. They love watching me run on the treadmill, and I can only imagine how much fun they will have cheering me on in races someday!

Our lifestyle is definitely not 100% healthy, but I feel good about the effort we're making. I also feel confident that the lessons already are sinking into their sponge-like brains. I hope someday we will be the type of family that spends its weekends hiking, playing softball in the park, or riding bikes together, even if we also sometimes watch movies and go out for ice cream too. A healthy balance is what I'm striving for, and I hope the work I'm doing right now to get myself in shape will help significantly.

So I'm giving my kids the gift of fitness...this summer, swimming lessons...what will be the payoff? Is it too much to start hoping for the 2024 Olympics? :)

Owning My Number

A lot of women won't tell a soul what they weigh - not even their best friends or husbands. I have never been one of those women.

I am announcing with pride that this morning I weighed in at 199 lbs. This is the first time I've been under 200 in two years! To me, that is cause for celebration, not shame.

In fact, I don't see any sense in being ashamed of your weight at all. It's just a number, not a judgement of your worth as a human being.

Your weight is not necessarily even an indicator of your health! I remember reading a magazine article years ago about what 150 lbs looked like on 6 or 7 different women. They were all different shapes and sizes and levels of fitness, and no one could have guessed just looking at them that they all weighed the same thing. There are so many other factors that determine your health...your weight is just one piece of the puzzle.

I feel like our society places too much importance on "weight" and not enough on "fitness," and this causes a lot of people to obsess over the former while completely missing the boat on the latter. I wish we could get rid of all the social stigmas attached to weight, and take a more commonsense, practical approach to health and fitness. That's what I'm trying to do in my own life, and I believe I'm succeeding.

Yes, I am working hard to lose weight...but as an overall effort to get in shape, not because the number on the scale has any power over me at all. I'm so unashamed of my weight that I'll tell you all about. My highest weight was about 255 lbs, the day my oldest son was born. Yes, this was a 9-months-pregnant weight, but it was also a HIGH weight. I gained somewhere between 40 and 50 lbs during that pregnancy. My highest recorded non-pregnant weight was 222, after my second son was born. I then started exercising and eating right, and got down to 196 before my last pregnancy. After my third son was born, my weight topped off at 218, so now I have lost a total of 19 lbs in this latest quest for fitness.

In order to achieve a healthy BMI, I need to get down to 170 lbs. I'd love to go even further, to around 150 or 160, but it won't crush me if I don't. Once my weight is within the "healthy" range, I will be focusing much more on cardiovascular fitness, endurance, strength, flexibility, and of course other important factors like my cholesterol level, which I've never had tested.

Before anyone misinterprets what I'm saying, I'd like to clarify that I don't think weight is unimportant or should be ignored. It definitely matters! It IS an important thing...it's just not the ONLY thing! And that's precisely why I think it's healthy to face the number, not hide from it. If you don't own your number, it just might own you.

I'm owning all of my 199 lbs, and the 19 I've burned off already. I gained them. And I'm losing them - as many as I need to in order to be healthy.

If you're reading this and you don't have the courage to own your number, there is no shame in that either. No one can force you out of your comfort zone, and you're certainly not doomed to a life of obesity just because you don't care to make your weight public. I believe owning your number can be liberating and empowering, but in the end it's still not as important as just trying to be as healthy as you can, however you go about it. Whether you own your number or not, at some point you do have to own your health!

Not What I Expected

Why does this feel so anticlimactic?

I've been waiting for this day for months. I imagined tears of joy as I stepped off the treadmill, free of pain. I mentally drafted Facebook status updates announcing my triumphant return to running. It was supposed to be such a sweet moment!

But last night, when I logged on after my run/walk workout, all I could type was "April...ran."

I was definitely happy to write it, and thankful that I could. The moment just lacked some degree of elation that I'd been expecting.

It wasn't a very intense workout. I ran a total of three minutes, broken into one-minute intervals (and also walked 27 minutes). It wasn't as difficult as starting from a completely sedentary lifestyle, but it certainly didn't feel like picking up where I left off either.

As I ran, I recalled the euphoria of finishing difficult runs in the past...my first 20-minute run....then my first 25-minute run. It's hard to get excited about three minutes with those memories still so fresh in my mind. Getting back to that stage will take months!

Do I have that much fight in me? YES! I am in this for the long haul, still committed to my goals. I just need to adjust my outlook a little. I think maybe I was looking forward to running again as if it were the end of one stage of my journey, the injury-recovery stage. The truth is that it's also the beginning of next stage, and now is when the real work begins!

It's sort of like going directly from high school graduation to your first day of college. There would be no time to celebrate how far you've come because the road ahead is long and challenging and requires all of your focus and drive. So I survived three minutes of running...so what? It's onward and upward from here. Well, more forward than upward, but you get the idea. :)

Oh, and if you're wondering, my leg held up fine. At one point I thought I felt a tiny twinge of pain in a familiar spot, but it passed quickly. It may have been all in my head...only time will tell!

My Weekly Case of the Mondays

I think I suffer from short-term muscle memory loss. Is that a real thing? I don't even know. All I know is that I don't swim on the weekends, and every Monday morning I feel like I'm starting over from scratch again!

No matter how great my swims are the rest of the week - and Fridays I usually push myself even harder - Monday morning is always the same. By the end of the workout I'm in slightly better shape, but for the whole first half at least, I'm slow and have to focus on every breath. My arms feel like they weigh a thousand pounds, and I sometimes forget to move my legs at all! It would be comical if it weren't so frustrating!

I guess it's not a huge deal, as long as I'm still able to complete a decent workout, and the rest of the week feels much better. It just has caught me off guard because I don't remember running being like this. There were always some rough days here and there, but they didn't seem to fall on specific days of the week or after a certain number of days of rest. And it never felt like I forgot how to run. It just felt more difficult.

So I don't know what my deal is. Maybe this is happening because I'm still so new at swimming? Maybe in a few months, my Monday swims will feel as normal as any other day of the week. Until then, I guess I'll just keep flopping around like a fish on a hook every Monday morning. It's just one more reason to wish the weekends would never end. :)